Here lies Groucho Marx and Lies and Lies and Lies P.S. He never kissed an ugly girl. Groucho Marx More Quotes by Groucho Marx More Quotes From Groucho Marx To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx. Groucho Marx autobiographywould-bewriting Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't need the ten cents I was going to give you. Groucho Marx humorfunnytwo I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge. Groucho Marx blanketinspirationrooms I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come home." Groucho Marx was never one to pass up an opportunity for a play on words and this occurs in his dialogue of the 1933 film Duck Soup. Groucho Marx playhomeopportunity Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy Groucho Marx healthyinspirationbook Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money. Groucho Marx moneyhappinessfunny My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking. Groucho Marx humorouswittyfunny I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. Groucho Marx inspirationwishfunny I came here for a party and what do I get? Nothing. Not even Ice cream. Groucho Marx ice-creamiceparty You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters? Groucho Marx crazysillyfunny Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel. Groucho Marx humorouswittyfunny You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you. Groucho Marx inspiration A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it Groucho Marx wallinspirationanimal A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar. Groucho Marx womenoilhair Only if the computers really love each other. Groucho Marx love-each-otherbeing-singlecomputer Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. Groucho Marx waterhandsart In any relationship, the woman has control, the clever ones don't let the men know. Groucho Marx wisdomclevermen Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you? Groucho Marx insulthumorfunny You're only as young as the woman you feel. Groucho Marx youngfeels Afraid? Me? A man who's licked his weight in wild caterpillars? Groucho Marx caterpillarsweightmen
