Hey you! I told you to slow that nag down! Because of you, I almost heard the opera! Groucho Marx More Quotes by Groucho Marx More Quotes From Groucho Marx I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. Groucho Marx humorinspirationfunny Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water! Groucho Marx ice-watereyeinspiration In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. Groucho Marx weddingbouquetshollywood I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book. Groucho Marx libraryeducationalbook I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true. Groucho Marx sexymenthinking Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar" Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change." Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books. Groucho Marx dollarsgivingbook It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. Groucho Marx cousinwittyfunny Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. Groucho Marx crazypeacefunny With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon. Groucho Marx humorouswittyfunny Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. Groucho Marx watchesfunnydeath I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right. Groucho Marx hatebookthinking No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend. Groucho Marx sarcasticrealfunny Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication Groucho Marx communicationwittyfunny I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30. Groucho Marx humorousinspirationmonday Thirteen at a table is unlucky only, Groucho Marx twelveinspirationtables Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do! Groucho Marx crazysillyfunny In France, for example, it is not unusual for a husband to have a wife and a mistress. However, if in addition to these two he's also having a fling with a fringe tootsie, both the wife and the mistress are outraged and the combination lover, husband, and cheat may well wind up with a large French bread knife between his ribs. Groucho Marx husbandhumorousfunny When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth" Groucho Marx kissingwifeinspiration Humor is reason gone mad. Groucho Marx laughterhumorinspiration How would you like to feel the way she looks? Groucho Marx insultinginspirationlooks
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