How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak? Jay Leno More Quotes by Jay Leno More Quotes From Jay Leno These White House scandals are not going away anytime soon. People in Kenya are now saying he's 100 percent American. That's how bad it's gotten. Jay Leno whitehousepeople In an interview with Univision, President Obama said if there's one thing he's learned, it's that you can't change Washington from within. So what is he saying - that if we want real change, we should throw him out? Jay Leno realpresidentwant Ambition beats genius 99% of the time Jay Leno beatsgeniusambition Ashcroft went on to say that our way of life is being threatened by a group of radical religious fanatics who are armed and dangerous. And then he called for prayers in the schools and an end to gun control. Jay Leno religiousprayerschool The White House is now urging Americans not to 'read too much' into last week's jobs report. In fact, they said it would be best if you didn't read it at all. Jay Leno whitehousejobs President Obama is coming under criticism now for not meeting with his jobs council. He hasn't met with his jobs council in over six months. You know the reason Obama hasn't met with his job council in six months? They're all out looking for jobs. Jay Leno criticismpresidentjobs We live in what's called an open society, which of course means they open our emails, open our phone records, and open our medical records. Jay Leno emailphonesmean Scientists in Australia are working on making biodegradable car parts out of hemp. This might get confusing. When someone says, roll up the window, they might mean, roll up the window! Jay Leno caraustraliamean According to a new geographic literacy study 4 out of 10 American students couldn't find Iraq on a map. However 10 out of 10 Mexicans could find the U.S. without a map. Jay Leno mapsiraqstudents As you may have heard, former President Bill Clinton says he's coming here to California to help Governor Gray Davis in his recall election campaign. Which is ironic, isn't it? When Clinton was president, he couldn't recall anything. Jay Leno ironiccaliforniapresident President Obama admitted this week that a former girlfriend that he wrote about in his autobiography was made up and not a real person . . . So Obama had an imaginary girlfriend. Big deal! He had an imaginary economic plan. It’s all the same. Jay Leno girlfriendrealpresident According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars. Jay Leno funny-relationshipeyeliars If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. Jay Leno political-wisdomvotingfunny This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it "white people." Jay Leno nameswhitepeople According to The New York Times, more than half of President Obama's Twitter followers are fake. They don't even exist. Which is actually a good thing because if they did exist there wouldn't be any jobs for them. Jay Leno fakenew-yorkjobs Today is April 1, April Fools' Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don't confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS. Jay Leno fools-daytryingpeople The White House begun airing their TV commercials to re-elect the president, and the John Kerry campaign is condemning his use of 9/11 in the ads. He said, it is unconscionable to use the tragic memory of a war in order to get elected, unless of course, it's the Vietnam War. Jay Leno memorieswarorder I've lost some weight. I am on that new Obama diet. Every day I let Vladimir Putin eat my lunch. Jay Leno putinlunchweight Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it's Chapter 11. Jay Leno enteringexpertsbelieve According to federal reports filed yesterday, the Obama campaign spent more money than they raised in the month of May. They spent more money than they raised? Well, that's called being a Democrat Jay Leno campaignsyesterdaymay
