I always fancied myself more of an actor than a comedian before I realized that only assholes make that kind of distinction. Rob Corddry More Quotes by Rob Corddry More Quotes From Rob Corddry Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day. Rob Corddry next-daybroadwayactors If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer. Rob Corddry humorouswittyfunny I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling. Rob Corddry comedynightyears I like playing really super-intense, live-in-the-moment characters. It asks me to not phone it in. It's impossible to phone it in. Every American boy has spent his childhood pretending to get shot. Rob Corddry childhoodcharacterboys If anything, there's more at stake when you're older, and more responsibility and more legitimate things to worry about. Rob Corddry stakesresponsibilityworry I peed in my wife's boot once. On honeymoon, in Madrid, we were drinking absinthe and somehow made it back to our hotel. I don't remember a second of this, but my wife woke up to this noise. Two of her boots were in the corner, one had fallen down and the other was standing up and I was peeing into it! It was a hole, and it looked like a toilet. She said: "Rob, wake up, you're peeing into my shoe!" Rob Corddry shoesdrinkingtwo I have a wife and two daughters; people who depend on me. Everything is more important than it was when I was 20. But now I'm like, "Eh, I made it this far." Rob Corddry daughtertwopeople I don't like gadgets for their own sake. I like gadgets that are tools. And I like simple gadgets that do one thing really well like a hammer. Rob Corddry hammerstoolssimple I want to manufacture a feud. Rob Corddry feudswant It looks like garbage, my ass. But trust me, you're lucky it's not full-frontal. Rob Corddry garbageluckylooks I have to stay true to myself. Rob Corddry true-to-myselfstay-true I am realizing how old I am 'cause I am meeting so many people that were born in the 80s, which is crazy to me that I was going through puberty and [they weren't] even alive. Rob Corddry alivecrazypeople I touched an Oscar once. Friend of mine has one, for writing. As soon as I touched it, he said, Now you'll never win one. Rob Corddry oscarswinningwriting I remember saying in college that I would never do commercials. Rob Corddry comedycollegeremember I actually got the part. And I thought, Well, I'll do it for a while. I'll just quit if it's stupid. Rob Corddry quittingcomedystupid My mother was very, very Protestant. I grew up Presbyterian, and I went to church every Sunday until I was 18. I was forced to. Rob Corddry sundaychurchmother I get all of my comedy from CNN. Rob Corddry cnncomedy I've got like a week and a half left, all bets are off. Rob Corddry fogcomedyhalf Pat OBrien knows nothing. Hes on the Hell express. Rob Corddry hellknows If it's January, I'm dead in three hours. But in June, I'd be hungry, but I'd make it out. I'd find my way without a map or compass. I say that with confidence. I can build a fire without a match. Rob Corddry threejunefire
