I am a man who used to wear the tights. We traveled the country doing two Shakespeare plays for bored college students for about a year. I think I'd probably still be doing it now if I hadn't just randomly decided to go to a sketch group audition. That led to doing improv, which led to the Daily Show. But it was fun while it lasted.

Rob Corddry

Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day.

Rob Corddry

next-day broadway actors

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

Rob Corddry

humorous witty funny

I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling.

Rob Corddry

comedy night years

I like playing really super-intense, live-in-the-moment characters. It asks me to not phone it in. It's impossible to phone it in. Every American boy has spent his childhood pretending to get shot.

Rob Corddry

childhood character boys

If anything, there's more at stake when you're older, and more responsibility and more legitimate things to worry about.

Rob Corddry

stakes responsibility worry

I peed in my wife's boot once. On honeymoon, in Madrid, we were drinking absinthe and somehow made it back to our hotel. I don't remember a second of this, but my wife woke up to this noise. Two of her boots were in the corner, one had fallen down and the other was standing up and I was peeing into it! It was a hole, and it looked like a toilet. She said: "Rob, wake up, you're peeing into my shoe!"

Rob Corddry

shoes drinking two

I have a wife and two daughters; people who depend on me. Everything is more important than it was when I was 20. But now I'm like, "Eh, I made it this far."

Rob Corddry

daughter two people

I don't like gadgets for their own sake. I like gadgets that are tools. And I like simple gadgets that do one thing really well like a hammer.

Rob Corddry

hammers tools simple

I want to manufacture a feud.

Rob Corddry

feuds want

It looks like garbage, my ass. But trust me, you're lucky it's not full-frontal.

Rob Corddry

garbage lucky looks

I have to stay true to myself.

Rob Corddry

true-to-myself stay-true

I am realizing how old I am 'cause I am meeting so many people that were born in the 80s, which is crazy to me that I was going through puberty and [they weren't] even alive.

Rob Corddry

alive crazy people

I touched an Oscar once. Friend of mine has one, for writing. As soon as I touched it, he said, Now you'll never win one.

Rob Corddry

oscars winning writing

I remember saying in college that I would never do commercials.

Rob Corddry

comedy college remember

I actually got the part. And I thought, Well, I'll do it for a while. I'll just quit if it's stupid.

Rob Corddry

quitting comedy stupid

My mother was very, very Protestant. I grew up Presbyterian, and I went to church every Sunday until I was 18. I was forced to.

Rob Corddry

sunday church mother

I get all of my comedy from CNN.

Rob Corddry

cnn comedy

I've got like a week and a half left, all bets are off.

Rob Corddry

fog comedy half

Pat OBrien knows nothing. Hes on the Hell express.

Rob Corddry

hell knows

If it's January, I'm dead in three hours. But in June, I'd be hungry, but I'd make it out. I'd find my way without a map or compass. I say that with confidence. I can build a fire without a match.

Rob Corddry

three june fire