I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying. Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes From Rodney Dangerfield Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt. Rodney Dangerfield receiptssizewife My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer. Rodney Dangerfield worstwifedog When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me. Rodney Dangerfield motherfunnysex What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself. Rodney Dangerfield humordogfunny I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids. Rodney Dangerfield hemorrhoidssittingworld At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed. Rodney Dangerfield christmas-timegrandpawaiting I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with. Rodney Dangerfield moneyinspiringfunny My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope! Rodney Dangerfield ropelife-is-likesex I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars. Rodney Dangerfield realfunnymoving I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't. Rodney Dangerfield metsgirlbeautiful Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel. Rodney Dangerfield humorboysfunny my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens Rodney Dangerfield screenscooking Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks. Rodney Dangerfield fortune-cookiecookiesguy When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me. Rodney Dangerfield jealousdogyears People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind. Rodney Dangerfield morningwindpeople My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh. Rodney Dangerfield mirrorsdogsex My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away! Rodney Dangerfield carhumorfunny My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday. Rodney Dangerfield suicidalhumorfunny My only thrill is self inflicted hickies. Rodney Dangerfield humorselffunny I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities. Rodney Dangerfield teethfourwant
