I buy water at the liquor store across the street from where I live. So I'm walking into the door, and standing, loitering, outside the door is a man. And I walk by him to go in, and he says, "I want pussy!" Now, I don't want to seem conceited or anything, but he was talking about me!

Sarah Silverman

Categorized in : Men Doors Conceited

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

Sarah Silverman

inability alive

Don't tell girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't. It's like saying, 'Hey, when you get in the shower, I'm not gonna read your diary.' 'Wait--are you gonna read my diary?' 'No! I said I'm not gonna read your diary. Go take a shower!'

Sarah Silverman

growing-up girl waiting

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

Sarah Silverman

growing-up girl powerful

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Sarah Silverman

jew christ

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

Sarah Silverman

black skills people

I think the difference between being miserable and finding happiness is just a matter of perspective. If you live your life defining yourself by what other people think of you, it's a form of self-torture.

Sarah Silverman

differences self thinking

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Sarah Silverman

hate humor funny

When I was 17, I read a profile of Carol Leifer. Since then, I wanted to be her. I still want to be her.

Sarah Silverman

carols profile want

I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.

Sarah Silverman

humor wrestling funny

I am diagnosed with not having enough insanely-addictive drugs coursing through my body.

Sarah Silverman

drug body enough

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

Sarah Silverman

smell brilliant artist

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

Sarah Silverman

taboo talking

I have no religion. But culturally I can't escape it; I'm very Jewish.

Sarah Silverman

i-can

Women don't ask to be raped, but there are some that are asking to be motorboated

Sarah Silverman

asks asking

Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.

Sarah Silverman

almost-there forget

Also, I learned whether you are gay, bisexual, it doesn't matter, you know... because, at the end of the day, they're both gross. But mostly, I learned that elderly black women are wise beyond their years... but younger black women are prostitutes.

Sarah Silverman

bisexual gay wise

I'm all sentimental. I've probably been ruined by romantic movies, but I really do believe in love. I've experienced it, I've had it, so I know it's real.

Sarah Silverman

sentimental real believe

Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping.

Sarah Silverman

baby funny children

And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now.

Sarah Silverman

molecules space funny

Take lots of time for yourself, discovering yourself-pursue not only a profession but other life passions, I always make time to rock climb or hike or write a few short stories. Also, find good people and surround yourself with them. Most importantly, always believe you will, unequivocally.

Sarah Silverman

passion writing believe