I can always go back to waiting tables, but I won't be very good at it. I'll never be good at it. Mike Birbiglia More Quotes by Mike Birbiglia More Quotes From Mike Birbiglia Alienation, I suppose, can't be hackneyed because it will always exist. Mike Birbiglia alienation Comedy unites, it doesn't divide! Mike Birbiglia divides comedy Comedy is tragedy plus time, but the time is different for everybody. Mike Birbiglia comedy different tragedy I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans. Mike Birbiglia comedian fans people Fortunately, I don't talk about politics on stage. Mike Birbiglia stage I always try to attack the most honest issues I can in my comedy. Mike Birbiglia issues comedy trying How many people do you know who have thrown up on the Scrambler or a carnival ride? A lot of people, is the answer. Mike Birbiglia carnival-rides answers people I almost can't even put to words how happy I am that I got married. Mike Birbiglia married When you're in a relationship with someone who's selfish, what keeps you in it is the fact that when they shine on you, it's this souped-up shine. And you feel like you're in the club. And you don't even know what club it is. You just know you want to stay in it. Mike Birbiglia selfish humor funny I'm a compulsive everything. Mike Birbiglia humor funny The list of fun and easily fixed brain diseases is very short. Mike Birbiglia disease brain fun My friends drink everywhere. They even drink at the laundromat. I tried drinking at the laundromat, and I thought I was in a submarine, navigating the Sea of White Panties with my Spanish-speaking crew. I was like, "Mrs. Sanchez, set the coordinates to Permanent Press! Give me some quarters and another drink! This place is starting to look like a laundromat." Mike Birbiglia humor drinking funny Sometimes, when you want to be in a place so badly, you'll do anything. Mike Birbiglia want sometimes Does anyone know a word that rhymes with shark? Mike Birbiglia rhyme sharks doe ...And so we go and I meet his parents. And it's a very strange thing meeting your girlfriend's boyfriend's parents for the first time. Part of you is angry for obvious reasons and part of you still wants to make a good impression. On a side note, they seemed in perfect health. Mike Birbiglia girlfriend humor funny Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt. Mike Birbiglia funny-relationship shirts sex I love Valentine's Day. When you're a kid everyone gets a Valentine. It's like 'TO TIM, NICE PANTS, LOVE SCOTT'. It's Valentines galore! Mike Birbiglia valentine nice funny I shouldn't say bad things about the illiterate, though..I should write it. That way they won't find out. Mike Birbiglia humor writing funny I couldn't recommend more that people put themselves in a situation where they can see a lot of work that they admire, and for free. Mike Birbiglia admire situation people I feel like everyone wants to make a movie that they feel passionate about watching. Mike Birbiglia passionate want feels
