I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening. Woody Allen More Quotes by Woody Allen More Quotes From Woody Allen I'm twelve years old. I run into a synagogue. I ask the rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life but he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons. Woody Allen want running years You are always a comedian by default. You are this way because you've been forced to be this way, but it is better to be the hero. So if you can be a persona, the great one of my lifetime of course was and is Marlon Brando. Woody Allen comedian hero way At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings. Woody Allen humorous feelings funny This sounds so bleak when I say it, but we need some delusions to keep us going. And the people who successfully delude themselves seem happier than the people who can't. Woody Allen sound people needs [An audience conditioned by a lifetime of television-watching is so corrupted that] their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out! Woody Allen television-watching cells years See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they're self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them. Woody Allen crash women self You can't ride two horses with one behind. Woody Allen alabama horse two What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife. Woody Allen time men funny Yes, but the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, 'Everybody up, it's morning,' it's very hard to find your slippers. Woody Allen slippers differences morning Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again… I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O’Neill were laughing. Woody Allen autumn mother night American films, it's a money-making industry. And in France, you can find great respect for cinema as art. Woody Allen france cinema art Since I was a kid, I could make up stories, I could make up funny jokes and I could always do it. When I'm walking down the street or having dinner, ideas will hit me, and I write them down on matchbooks or napkins and throw them in the draw. Woody Allen writing kids ideas I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian. Woody Allen fictional-character italian character God, you Jews are truly exotic." Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set. Woody Allen cousin nice father The whole thrust of science and the medical profession is to try and prevent it from happening, to try to prolong life, to keep you from dying, to keep you from getting older, to rejuvenate you. I mean, that's everybody's wish. The fountain of youth is everybody's sought-after thing. Woody Allen getting-older wish mean Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats. Woody Allen june summer tree Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind. Woody Allen knowing wisdom knowledge Someday the lion is going to lie down with the lamb, but the lamb isn't going to get much sleep. Woody Allen lambs sleep lying I never think I feel cynical in general. Cynical is reality with an alternate spelling. I feel there's a gigantic amount of injustice and overt crime every day in the world, from emotional crimes to international crimes, and it often carries rewards. Woody Allen emotional reality thinking She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. Woody Allen sweaters maturity causes
