I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke. Don Rickles More Quotes by Don Rickles More Quotes From Don Rickles Every night when I go out on stage, there's always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I'm always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I'm not going to offend! Don Rickles nagging mind night Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera. Don Rickles opera singing people No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you. Don Rickles matter beach world When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket. Don Rickles kissing music mind I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room. Don Rickles doctors rooms thinking I never could tell a joke. I just started talking to the audience, and when the drunks would yell, "Hey, when do the broads come on?" I got good at saying, "Relax. Clear your skin up first." They called me "the insult guy," but it's never mean-spirited. I'm just exaggerating everything about us and about life. Don Rickles guy talking mean Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black. Don Rickles why-not black fun When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last. Don Rickles stand-alone lasts different Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder? Don Rickles clothes wonder funny I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is. Don Rickles hard-times giving people Some people say funny things - but I say things funny. Don Rickles funny-things people I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game. Don Rickles player games golf You got to have a lot of courage. Secondly, whatever it is you're doing you have to believe in it wholeheartedly. Thirdly, you have to be able to stand up in front of people and know that they'll laugh. Don Rickles laughing believe people Once in a while, when I'm alone, I think about my age. I think, How many more years do I have on this earth? But I can't really conceive of dying. Somehow, in my head, I don't think I'll die. I know that everybody dies, of course. I just think that it'll never come to me. It's crazy, but there it is. Don Rickles crazy years thinking Famous people are deceptive. Deep down, they're just regular people. Like Larry King. We've been friends for forty years. He's one of the few guys I know who's really famous. One minute he's talking to the president on his cell phone, and then the next minute he's saying to me, Do you think we ought to give the waiter another dollar? Don Rickles cells kings thinking I've never walked off stage and said, I shouldn't have done that. Because when you do what I do, you're like a fighter. You throw the right hand and say, That's what got me to this dance. You can't have doubt. If you have doubt, there's no show. Don Rickles done doubt hands If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny. Don Rickles insult mean people Some people call me a legend and the last of the greats, and I appreciate it. Don Rickles appreciate lasts people You throw your best punch, otherwise don't do it. Don Rickles My main success was an attitude. Always an attitude. Don Rickles attitude
