I'd get demolitions experts to rig mother to implode like a skyscraper. Doug Stanhope More Quotes by Doug Stanhope More Quotes From Doug Stanhope I immediately split the crowd. I thought about coming on every night and shouting, 'Gay pride, white power!' just to confuse people. Doug Stanhope gay pride night Comedy can always be taken the wrong way. If I do a bit that is meant to diffuse racism or sexism, Im not going to avoid it on the chance that a small portion of the audience might take it the wrong way. Doug Stanhope taken racism might I don't ever want to become Bill Maher where I have to find some strong opinion on something just because it's in the news. That's the guy that comes off like you have to be angry every week about new topics and snotty about something. That's what I'm trying to avoid. Doug Stanhope guy strong trying Here's the path to sobriety: Play the Ron Paul drinking game. Watch CNN and take a drink every time someone says his name. Doug Stanhope drinking games play I have no answers, but every day I wish I could have the same point of view for any 24-hour period. I wish I was in some system where I don't constantly question myself. Doug Stanhope point-of-view wish I am a player in life, not an observer. I look at herpes the way you look at a scraped knee. Doug Stanhope player life looks Courts and camps are the only places to learn the world in. Doug Stanhope camps court world The fact is that really no comedian sets out to offend you. Some comics enjoy the challenge of taking a subject that is likely to be found offensive and trying to make it funny‚ but the object is still to make you laugh. Offense is only a calculated risk. It's highly unlikely that a comedian whose only goal was to repulse you would ever make it past an open-mic stage, far less build a long career of touring theatres and television appearances. Doug Stanhope careers long past He's my usual type of fan... a school shooter who didn't have bullets and now he's all awkward and alone. Doug Stanhope awkward usual school There's a fine line between being a sicko and an adventurous spirit. Doug Stanhope adventurous lines spirit There's times to be dainty and times to be a pig. Doug Stanhope dainty pigs I don't like life that much. It's not that big a deal for me... I don't want to know I have cancer till it's visible to the naked eye. Doug Stanhope cancer naked eye I'm pretty drunk and bored with yelling at the stone walls that are your minds. Doug Stanhope yelling drunk wall There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card. Doug Stanhope writing cards children The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs. Doug Stanhope drug mind There should be no such thing as a vice law. Every vice is only a bad habit, and the punishment is inherent in the act. Doug Stanhope punishment vices law It is a great advantage for any man to be able to talk or hear, neither ignorantly nor absurdly, upon any subject; for I have known people, who have not said one word, hear ignorantly and absurdly; it has appeared by their inattentive and unmeaning faces. Doug Stanhope talking men people I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks. Doug Stanhope topics towns running My first open mic, I drank a full pitcher of beer by myself. I wasn't afraid of being in front of people as much as, Is this funny? Doug Stanhope beer people firsts I don't have a gun. But I think they level the playing field. I accept that there's really nothing you can do about it. It's like nuclear weapons; if they exist then eventually other people are going to have them. Maybe just take away people's motivation to use them. Doug Stanhope motivation gun acceptance
