I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there. Billy Connolly More Quotes by Billy Connolly More Quotes From Billy Connolly Sometimes there's a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I've ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack. Billy Connolly caverns humor funny Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you've blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that... wrll, it's because the national anthem is boring. Billy Connolly humor funny country On George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television. Billy Connolly humor funny father I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea. Billy Connolly stills drinking ideas I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline. Billy Connolly sea lakes rivers I’ve come in and out of America for… well, I’ve lived here for 15 years. And I’ve played here for nearly 30 years. On and off. But I’ve always played to my fan base. And I can come and do two or three nights in New York or two or three nights in L.A., and all that. But when I go away, nobody knows I’ve been gone. You know, I don’t get reviewed or anything like that. So that’s why I’ve come back and done a longer time in a smaller place, in New York. It’s always the people who live here that get a chance to know me. Billy Connolly new-york night years Well, the film's not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it's pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies. I had never read anything like this until I was doing the film, but Mark [Joffe, the director] and people showed me stuff where, like a flood, it mattered where the water came from. If you're flooded from above, you get the money; if you're flooded from below, you don't. What's that about? Billy Connolly water people thinking I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you. Billy Connolly glasses hate people If you want to lose a bit of weight, don't eat anything out of a bucket. Billy Connolly utensils buckets weight I'm a huge film star... but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f--ing minutes. I'm the only guy I know who died in a f--ing Muppet movie. Billy Connolly guy stars firsts I'm not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow. Billy Connolly glasgow suits hands Behind the proscenium arch, you can't always hear what people in the audience are saying. Billy Connolly arches audience people Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're bastards, and they do it on purpose. Billy Connolly purpose baby Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet. Billy Connolly euthanasia comedy fame I can't believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher. Billy Connolly teacher believe jesus I?m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: "Hey ? I know you! You're That Guy.". Billy Connolly names america people When I read 'Be real, don't get caught acting,' I thought, 'How the hell do you do that?'. Billy Connolly hell acting real I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there. Billy Connolly desert drawing islands What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find? Billy Connolly humor blow funny I don't understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I'm amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There's one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything. Billy Connolly two people art
