I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward. Rita Rudner More Quotes by Rita Rudner More Quotes From Rita Rudner To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.' Rita Rudner hilariousinspirationalfunny You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty. Rita Rudner funny-lovewanthands I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album. Rita Rudner albumshumorfunny It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this. Rita Rudner six-monthsthings-in-lifetwo Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes. Rita Rudner humorousmenfunny I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups. Rita Rudner homerunningmorning Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside. Rita Rudner funny-inspirationalpregnancybaby Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. Rita Rudner humorfunnyfall I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money! Rita Rudner creditmoneycards In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. Rita Rudner marriagesuccessfunny I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. Rita Rudner humorinspirationalfunny Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift. Rita Rudner husbandfootballmen I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself. Rita Rudner restaurantspeopleideas Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid. Rita Rudner humorstupidfunny Good weather all the week, but come the weekend the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot they complain, too cold they complain, and when it's just right, they're watching TV. Rita Rudner weekendtvsweather I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious. Rita Rudner alivesleepworld Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. Rita Rudner moneyinspiringfunny I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine. Rita Rudner quittingdancingdance I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine. Rita Rudner womenhumorfunny When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other. Rita Rudner humorfunnykids
