I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out. Steven Wright More Quotes by Steven Wright More Quotes From Steven Wright Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'? Steven Wright paramedics humor funny The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree. Steven Wright humor funny people The speed of time is one second per second. Steven Wright speed humor funny If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. Steven Wright humor funny two It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet. Steven Wright silent silence stuff You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor. Steven Wright spit twigs branches Do fish get cramps after eating? Steven Wright humor eating funny George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it. Steven Wright home class school Always try to be modest, and be proud of it! Steven Wright modest proud trying If you shoot a Mime, do you need to use a silencer? Steven Wright mime use needs When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street. Steven Wright humor hurt funny Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? Steven Wright lightning humor funny Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous. Steven Wright ponds ice running I had amnesia once or twice. Steven Wright amnesia I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths. Steven Wright height humor funny Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie? Steven Wright goalies hockey men I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass. Steven Wright coats humor funny My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. Steven Wright humor house funny Clones are people two. Steven Wright humor funny two I took my dog for a walk... all the way from New York to Florida... I said to him "There now you're done." Steven Wright florida new-york dog
