I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs. Greg Behrendt More Quotes by Greg Behrendt More Quotes From Greg Behrendt Always be classy. Never be crazy. Greg Behrendt being-crazycrazy My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father. Greg Behrendt daughterbasketballfather She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus. Greg Behrendt caughtplusnight I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake. Greg Behrendt motor-vehiclescakephrases My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening. Greg Behrendt girltwoyears I'm just saying, tonight, if you're going through a breakup and you're drinking, don't call. Just don't do it. Don't call. Because here's the thing: booze has information in it! Greg Behrendt informationbreakupdrinking If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat. Greg Behrendt catfatherthinking I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes. Greg Behrendt being-yourselfi-want-youwant This life is yours and no one else's, and if you spend your time looking at other people's pages, you'll never get anything done. Greg Behrendt youtimelifepeople I do think that you can dress yourself out of a problem. The way that a haircut and a new pair of pants can make you feel is better than any therapist, because when you look in the mirror, you see a different person - you are a different person. It's superficial change that can lead to real change. Greg Behrendt dressmirroryouchange The great thing about comedy is that the longer you've been alive, the more you have to talk about and the better you get. I've got some miles and some road savviness that some other guys don't have. Greg Behrendt roadbettergreatyou I don't know if you know you're funny, but you enjoy being funny. I know I'm funny because people tell me I am, but when I watch myself, it doesn't make me laugh. Does that make sense? Because I know the jokes, and to me, I feel like I'm pulling the wool over people's eyes. And there are probably people who do not enjoy what I do. Greg Behrendt eyesmyselfmefunny Most authors writing books like 'He's Just Not That Into You' dream of doing what I was being asked to do. I didn't like it. I'm good at giving advice, but doing it on TV and radio felt wrong, and when people resisted my point of view, I was like, 'Why am I doing this? This was not the plan.' So I stopped. It didn't make me feel good. Greg Behrendt goodmeyoupeople We were raised to pursue women... Most of the guys I know enjoy the pursuit. But that doesn't mean women should be wallflowers. Greg Behrendt knowwomenenjoymean I went to stand-up when my rock n' roll dreams weren't coming true. I knew it wasn't going to happen when I was in a New Wave band in 1992 - at the height of grunge. Then I heard No Doubt's 'Spiderwebs' and I said, 'Well, we're done.' They did - and succeeded at - what we were trying to do. Greg Behrendt truenewdreamsdoubt I was always funny, but I wasn't a great musician, and I wanted to be a musician way more than I wanted to be a comic. I just didn't think comedians were cool when I was a kid. Greg Behrendt greatcoolthinkfunny Social media is a really cool way to tell your story to people who are interested in hearing it. It's not getting put through the filter of a television executive who's decided you're too old to justify the expenditure. Greg Behrendt coolyousocial-mediapeople I don't have a massive fan base. I don't have Patton Oswalt numbers, but the fan base I have is incredibly generous, and of the 22,000 people who follow me on Twitter, I think almost all of those people participate. Greg Behrendt thinkmenumberspeople I saw Aerosmith, and I was like, 'Wow, you can dress like a girl and still get girls? Hand me a scarf!' Greg Behrendt dressmeyougirl I'm not a big fan of comedy roasts because most of the time I find them to be really mean, but once in a while, you'll hear something perfectly worded and well-crafted. Greg Behrendt findyoucomedytime
