I hosted the first episode this season. That feels like six years ago, here's how messed up the world was when I hosted, okay ? I wanted Kanye West to be the musical guest and he couldn't do Kanye West because he was running for president. Chris Rock More Quotes by Chris Rock More Quotes From Chris Rock Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options. Chris Rock rich-moneywealthmoney Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you. Chris Rock smartknowingpeople So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress. Chris Rock progressblackwhite Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you. Chris Rock free-foodglutenpeople Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle Chris Rock humormenfunny You can only offend me if you mean something to me. Chris Rock bullyingifsmean If poor people knew how rich rich people are, there would be riots in the streets. Chris Rock richwould-bepeople If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game. Chris Rock daughterhumorfunny The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people. Chris Rock whitechildrenamerica Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies... a man's lie is, "I'm at Tony house, I was at Kenny house!" A woman lie is like, "It's your baby!" Chris Rock babyfunnylying I used to work at McDonald's making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boos was trying to say? "Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it's against the law." Chris Rock mcdonaldsfunnymean You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white. Chris Rock nbarappermen There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. Chris Rock hilariouslaughterfunny I say everything's about company. A gourmet meal with an asshole is a horrible meal. A hot dog with an interesting person is an amazing meal. Chris Rock gourmetdoginteresting A man is only as faithful as his options. Chris Rock loyal-and-faithfulmenreligion When I hear people talk about juggling or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy because sacrifice infers that there was something better to do than the thing - than being with your children. Chris Rock sacrificecrazychildren You don't pay taxes - they take taxes. Chris Rock taxationgovernmentinspirational Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool. Chris Rock issuesfoolmind If your work is so smart that only smart people get it, it's not that smart. Chris Rock smart-peoplesmartpeople I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity. Chris Rock humorstupidfunny
