I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank? Milton Berle More Quotes by Milton Berle More Quotes From Milton Berle In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours. Milton Berle three speak men My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce. Milton Berle divorce want-something christmas My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. Milton Berle valentine real thinking A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living. Milton Berle car nice men Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together Milton Berle guy high-heels together Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received. Milton Berle insecure christmas numbers There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list. Milton Berle lists christmas son Radio... that wonderful invention by which I can reach millions of people... who fortunately can't reach me. Milton Berle radio wonderful people Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient. Milton Berle inconvenient disgrace poverty At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked. Milton Berle party christmas hair I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm. Milton Berle boss christmas ants I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car. Milton Berle christmas yesterday son I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, "It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift." Milton Berle gadgets saws christmas For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included. Milton Berle batteries christmas You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that. Milton Berle normal want looks My brother applied for work, but was told by the company that it had more employees than it needed. My brother said, "Don't worry. The little bit of work I do won't be noticed !!!" Milton Berle brother worry littles I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. Milton Berle husband feels interesting What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies. Milton Berle orchestra miles mind I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair. Milton Berle christmas home hair The last time I saw Marilyn was in late 1959, when I appeared in Let's Make Love at Fox. The wide-eyed Marilyn I had first known was gone. This Marilyn was more beautiful than ever. Milton Berle making-love gone beautiful
