I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry. Robert Benchley More Quotes by Robert Benchley More Quotes From Robert Benchley I can remember the day when all that a professor was supposed to do was to mark "C minus" on students' examination papers, then gohome to tea. Nowadays they seem to feel that they must know just how much we (outside the university) eat, what we do with our spare time, and how we like our eggs. Robert Benchley eggspapertea I never knew anyone yet who got up at six who did anything more useful between that time and breakfast than banging a tennis ballup against the side of the house, waiting for the more civilized members of the party to get up. Robert Benchley partyhousesleep But compared with the task of selecting a piece of French pastry held by an impatient waiter a move in chess is like reaching for a salary check in its demand on the contemplative faculties. Robert Benchley salarytasksmoving A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps. Robert Benchley pieceshumorfunny It is rather to be chosen than great riches, unless I have omitted something from the quotation. Robert Benchley quotationschosenriches There is no doubt that every healthy, normal boy...should own a dog at some time in his life, preferably between the ages of forty-five and fifty. Robert Benchley healthydogboys There are two ways to travel, first class or with children. Robert Benchley classtwochildren The Ultimate Day really begins the night before, when you sit up until one o'clock trying to get things into trunk and bags. This is when you discover the well-known fact that summer air swells articles to twice or three times their original size. Robert Benchley airsummernight In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition. Robert Benchley humorhomefunny Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left ear from twirling around on it. Robert Benchley trackskinstrying Who has not wished that his host would come out frankly at the beginning of the visit and state, in no uncertain terms, the rulesand preferences of the household in such matters as the breakfast hour? And who has not sounded out his guest to find out what he likes in the regulation of his diet and modus vivendi (mode of living)? Robert Benchley regulationguestsbreakfast I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author. Robert Benchley hospitalitycomedypatient I don't trust a bank that would lend money to such a poor risk. Robert Benchley dont-trustriskpoor I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chess board in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered. Robert Benchley gamesattitudetwo Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can't find it when I take the suit off. Robert Benchley summermenthinking There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that. Robert Benchley readingmayfirsts Charlemagne either died or was born or did something with the Holy Roman Empire in 800. Robert Benchley empiresentertainmentart You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains. Robert Benchley sealakesrain At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands. Robert Benchley joyhandsfirsts The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. That remark in itself wouldn't make any sense if quoted as it stands. Robert Benchley monkeysmenway
