I like the night life, I like to boogy. Greg Proops More Quotes by Greg Proops More Quotes From Greg Proops Ever since you're little you hear this: 'The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak religious freedom into the new world.' But even when you're little you're like, 'Umm.. Bullsh*t?' Greg Proops funny-thanksgiving religious world Arizona changes its state motto to Damn, it's hot. Greg Proops arizona motto hot Oh, I don't wear a bathing suit. I wear a tent when I go out. Greg Proops bathing-suits tents suits In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy. Greg Proops comedy our-world beautiful I'm all for dropping lawyers into any war time situation. Greg Proops dropping lawyer war And eat lots of mints, it fools the cops. Greg Proops mint cop fool Now, we're Americans. Technically, who is from this country? Only the Indians, who we graciously let dwell on their native casinos. Greg Proops native casinos country Animals have two vital functions in today's society; to be delicious and to fit well. Greg Proops todays-society animal two I understand that smoking is vaguely inappropriate in certain situations. You know, like an orphanage, cancer ward, whatever. Greg Proops inappropriate cancer smoking Let me tell you about Australia. It's really, really, really, far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you're a gleam in your father's eye. Greg Proops land eye father I see guys dressing like they're in college - and they're not. I don't want to be that guy. Greg Proops guy college want I'm always looking for that place, you know, where there's no rednecks, that place where people get along, and I never find it. I went to Australia, right, and I thought Australia was gonna be a groovy, surfnoid, smoke-a-joint wombat, you know? 'G'day mate!' 'No worries!' And it's like Arkansas with a beach. It's a whole country with a 'No Fat Chicks' sticker on it. Greg Proops redneck beach country I would never advocate the use of dope because, you know, I'm not a professional athlete and I don't have access to the good stuff. Greg Proops dope athlete use Yo. I'm from Beverly Hills, and I be pimpin'. Greg Proops beverly-hills hills I did stand up first in high school, joined an improv group in college, kept doing stand up after that, no one could deter me. And I have no other skills really, so I'm sorta stuck with this now. It's a little late to switch over to an ornithologist. Greg Proops skills college school Think about everything you read and everything you see. The one thing we can learn from all the horrible things that have happened in the last 15-20 years is that hysteria is the last thing we need. Cool thinking, pragmatism, and analytical thought are most important at this point. Greg Proops hysteria years thinking I wear glasses. That's how you'll know me. I am the speccy one.... And I am proud. Greg Proops know-me glasses proud Contact lenses are for vain, weak-willed piglets who swan around showing off: 'Look everybody, I can see without spectacles. No one at first glance will ever assume I know how to surf the net.' Greg Proops swans lenses piglet Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need glasses and don't wear them are slightly less treacherous than people who don't need them and do-like every shallow Hollywood star who wants to be taken seriously. Greg Proops glasses stars taken You're in a bar - grow up. You're drinking poison. You're trying to have sex unsafely with someone you don't know. Is secondhand smoke really the chiefest of your health concerns at this point? Greg Proops growing-up drinking sex
