I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.

Chris Rock

Categorized in : Smoking Real Cameras

That's a sure sign someone is going crazy - when he refers to himself in the third person, talks in low tones, and walks around wearing shades all day!

tone shade crazy

I'm a rap comedian the same way Bill Cosby is a jazz comedian, Cosby's laid back. I'm like, bang, bang bang, right into it.

bangs comedian rap

Nobody's good. I hate it. I truly hate it. I mean, there's a lot of guys doing stuff I admire, but stand-up-wise I feel very alone. I really miss Bill Hicks. I wish I could have put him on my show. And I really miss Sam Kinison a lot. Richard Pryor's sick... It's like you get here and then, oh wait a minute, there's nobody here any more. I feel like the guy who finally got into Studio 54, three years too late, Duh, where are all the famous people?

hate wise mean

I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, no... by Chris Rock

I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.

humor want funny

My movies are okay, but they're not my specials. by Chris Rock

My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.

okay

It's my real name. My mother's name is Rose Rock. It was the worst name as a kid to have. They called me Piece of the Rock, Plymouth Rock, Joe Rockid, and Flintstones. Now they call me Mister Rock.

real mother kids

I don't write jokes first. I write down topics. I think of what I want to talk about, and then I write the jokes - they don't write me... And even if you don't think it's funny, you won't think it's boring. You might disagree, but you'll listen. And maybe even laugh as you disagree.

writing laughing thinking

You know you're rich when you have to drive for a half hour to get to your house once you're on your property.

rich half house

They're working their way down. Next year, Todd Bridges gets the award. When I was a kid I wanted to be Eddie Murphy and now I'm a rip-off of Eddie Murphy.

rip humor funny

Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one.

gun humor funny

Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars... by Chris Rock

Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"

humor funny book

I try to stay with it and I try to stay in contact with comedians and just keep comedians in my life 'cause comedians are their own species. If you get away from them, especially as a comedian, I think it's dangerous.

comedian trying thinking

People are the same wherever you go. And if they weren't, they wo... by Chris Rock

People are the same wherever you go. And if they weren't, they wouldn't laugh at the same s**t.

ifs laughing people

I've remade a few movies and they all have one thing in common: great endings. If you're going to remake something, make sure that ending is tight. It's a little less challenging, if you have a great ending. If you don't have a great ending, don't remake the movie.

challenges common littles

I'm looking forward to not being tired around my child. My father was tired a lot. I want to play ball with my child without having to grab my shoulder because I'm not physically fit. And I want to really teach my child and become his or her friend.

tired father children

I love seeing black people do normal things, being judged as norm... by Chris Rock

I love seeing black people do normal things, being judged as normal people.

normal black people

If you're the president you only have two jobs: peace and money. by Chris Rock

If you're the president you only have two jobs: peace and money.

president jobs two

I'm old enough to remember when there were no black quarterbacks - there were no blacks on TV. I hope my son or daughter doesn't have to be as fixated on race as I am, because he or she will grow up in freer times.

growing-up daughter son

You're not famous unless people's mothers know who you are. Everybody else, you think you're famous, but you're just hot, and heat cools off.

mother people thinking

My goals were small. My goal was to become a big enough stand-up that I wouldn't have to do radio. I could sell out a club, which is like 300 seats. If I got big enough, I could sell before I got there, and I wouldn't have to get up at 6 in the morning to do radio. That was pretty much the dream. I had no idea I'd be playing Madison Square Garden or anything.

garden dream morning