I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect! Daniel Tosh More Quotes by Daniel Tosh More Quotes From Daniel Tosh I mean my goal is to get Michael Richards to do stand up at the Laugh Factory to an all black audience. Daniel Tosh goallaughingmean Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago - that's not the joke, that's what we called the setup. I saw myself naked, and I said, 'Holy cow, I'm 'The White Man.' I've heard a lot of bad things about you, cracka. Daniel Tosh couplemirrorsmen If no meant no then every man would die a virgin. Daniel Tosh virginsmenfunny The hardest working person in showbusiness has never been or ever will be a 'famous person'. Daniel Tosh hardestpersons Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English. Daniel Tosh silentimmigrationletters I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them. Daniel Tosh funny-jokesracistracism I don't know what fire is made of - hell nobody does. All I know is that fire is awesome. I'm not a pyromaniac, but I am a pyroenthusiast. Daniel Tosh hellfiredoe Racing does to white guys what movies do to black guys. Daniel Tosh blackguywhite Scattergories is second base for Christians. Daniel Tosh christian I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best. Daniel Tosh athletesportsfunny Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I; that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones. Daniel Tosh skiptoo-muchcomplaining Even people who don't believe in science still have to believe in gravity. Daniel Tosh gravitybelievepeople I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out. Daniel Tosh awardsbranchesfunny If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders. Daniel Tosh giantswould-bemen A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth. Daniel Tosh gynecologistsdentistmouths I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower. Daniel Tosh girlfriendwaterfunny I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too. Daniel Tosh jokesendsshould I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected. Daniel Tosh punishmentsoccerkids The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships; it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial. Daniel Tosh cutekidsthinking I think pro-athletes should be forced to use steroids. I think we as fans deserve the greatest athletes science can create! Lets go! Anything that will make you run faster, jump higher! I have High-Definition TV! I want my athletes like my video games! Lets go! I could care less if you die at 40. You hate life after sports anyways. I'm doing you a favor. Daniel Tosh letting-gorunningsports
