I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch. Bo Burnham More Quotes by Bo Burnham More Quotes From Bo Burnham Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own. Bo Burnham intelligenthumorfunny What's important is that you stay true to yourself. Because when you enter the real world, the most valuable thing you can bring is all your you-ness. The world doesn't need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers - the world needs more you. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Bo Burnham guyimportantreal Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth. Bo Burnham onenessexistentialself-worth I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you. Bo Burnham perfectlove-youtrying Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine. Bo Burnham laughter-is-the-best-medicinemedicinelaughter I saw a giraffe with a short neck Bo Burnham deerneckssaws I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist. Bo Burnham humorfunnyjesus Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head. Bo Burnham thirteenifsnumbers I don't need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy. Bo Burnham pussydollarslong If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land? Bo Burnham landwaterjesus How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I've got a cousin who is 18... Yeah, still believes in gay marriage. Bo Burnham cousingaybelieve Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively. Bo Burnham humortheoryfunny The classic comedian says there's nothing that's taboo; if you laugh at one thing you've got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light. Bo Burnham lightdarklaughing Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try? Bo Burnham earthtryingheaven I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me. Bo Burnham causesenoughlows Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist. Bo Burnham kindnessbiblejesus What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names. Bo Burnham armsnameskids If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no. Bo Burnham guyhumorfunny Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make. Bo Burnham faketalentkings People do complain about the way I act on stage... They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms. Bo Burnham selfpeoplethinking
