I'm gonna film my entire life and watch it later! Doug Stanhope More Quotes by Doug Stanhope More Quotes From Doug Stanhope It's our flaws who make us who we are. Doug Stanhope who-we-are flaws When I say that asian women are beautiful it's not a sexual thing. I'm not being degrading, I find them sexually repulsive. Doug Stanhope degrading asian beautiful Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile. Doug Stanhope boring temporary reason Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do. Doug Stanhope running funny sex I drink during every show. I can't remember the last show I did completely sober. It works for me. I use it as a tool. It's like steroids are for athletes. I'm looser and more self-confident. If I drank less, I wouldn't have been on stage this long. Doug Stanhope athlete self long People want an idol. They want royalty. They don't want a public servant. Hell no. They want someone to clap for and go, "Oh, he touched my hand at the rally!" Doug Stanhope idols hands people That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get. Doug Stanhope pussy cocaine easy Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion. Doug Stanhope tolerance zero religious Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it. Doug Stanhope boredom cancer drug The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it. Doug Stanhope excuse-you baby war If you get offended by words - by noises we make with our mouths - it means you were raised by bad parents. Doug Stanhope parent mouths mean Separation of Church and State is the perineum of America and the episiotomy didn't hold. Doug Stanhope separation church america I've had six or eight hookers in my life. I never woke up the next day thinking man I'm glad I got a hooker last night. Doug Stanhope men night thinking I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don't you? It's sad. I've lost more friends to AA than Liberace did to the virus. It's sad to see 'em go. You see a thirty day chip on your buddy's key ring, it's like seeing a toe tag on his cold, stiff corpse. Doug Stanhope hate drinking funny Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness. Doug Stanhope crime police children Invent new drugs, that's what you should be doing... fight to get new weirder ones... and weirder establishments to do them in. Doug Stanhope drug fighting should I don't like being in the UK for every other reason aside from the show. It's aesthetically uncomfortable to me on almost every level for reasons that might sound petty but I can't get past. The audiences are far more challenging and while I wouldn't say I prefer it, I certainly need it to ward off my inherent laziness. Doug Stanhope levels challenges past If you tell me you are going to kill yourself, I'm not going to try to talk you out of it. Doug Stanhope killing-yourself ifs trying I'm forty four; I'm way closer to dead than I am life of the party. Doug Stanhope four party way How do you pledge allegiance to a government? That's all America is: a government. There's no such thing as 'we're Americans.' That's just trivial bullshit to get you rooting for the home team. You're not an American. You're a guy, you're a person, you're an individual. Doug Stanhope team government home
