I'm not a human being. I'm despicable and disgusting - but that's where the money is. Steve Martin More Quotes by Steve Martin More Quotes From Steve Martin Communication has changed so rapidly in the last 20 years, it's almost impossible to predict what might occur even in the next decade. E-mail, which now sends data hurtling across vast distances at the speed of light, has replaced primitive forms of communication such as smoke signals, which sent data hurtling across vast distances at the speed of light. Steve Martin distancecommunicationlight I have found that-- just as in real life--imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience. Steve Martin realimaginationsometimes Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent. Steve Martin persistenceencouraginguplifting Always make room for the unexpected in yourself. Steve Martin unexpectedcraftsrooms You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither. Steve Martin wantsexlooks How many people have never raised their hand before? Steve Martin raisedhandspeople Acting has helped me understand people, not only because you are acting as a character, but also because you are watching other actors work. That really helps you identify in life when someone is acting, not being true. Steve Martin actingcharacterpeople I opened the show with this line: "I have decided to give the greatest performance of my life! Oh, wait, sorry, that's tomorrow night. Steve Martin sorrygivingnight You have to get comfortable [with your work], you really have to know what you're doing, and it has to be almost boring to you to be able to do it well. Steve Martin wellsboringable It's not the size of the nose that matters, it's what's inside that counts. Steve Martin sizematternoses Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. Steve Martin cutefunnyorder I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. Steve Martin beautifullovefunny I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it. Steve Martin elevenhundredbook I studied with the Maharishi for many years, and really didn't learn that much. But one thing that he taught me, I'll never forget: 'ALWAYS...' no, wait-- 'NEVER...' no, wait, it was 'ALWAYS carry a litter bag in your car. It doesn't take up much room, and if it gets full, you can toss it out the window.' Steve Martin carwaitingyears I used to smoke marijuana. But I'll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening - or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, midevening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . But never at dusk! Steve Martin weedmorningfunny Always do business as if the person you're doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he's not, you can be pleasantly surprised. Steve Martin screw-youscrewstrying I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87. Steve Martin humorinspirationfunny But Carroll's were more convoluted, and they struck me as funny in a new way: 1) Babies are illogical. 2) Nobody is despised who can manage a crocodile. 3) Illogical persons are despised. Therefore, babies cannot manage crocodiles. And: 1) No interesting poems are unpopular among people of real taste. 2) No modern poetry is free from affectation. 3) All of your poems are on the subject of soap bubbles. 4) No affected poetry is popular among people of taste. 5) Only a modern poem would be on the subject of soap bubbles. Therefore, all your poems are uninteresting. Steve Martin realbabypeople I'm not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price. Steve Martin drinkhalftrying First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Steve Martin hilariousinspirationalfunny
