I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it!

Bill Cosby

Categorized in : Funny Jobs Anniversary

Every father says the same thing: “Where's your mother?” by Bill Cosby

Every father says the same thing: “Where's your mother?”

mother father

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.

family funny children

If you know two languages, the level of your intelligence by Bill Cosby

If you know two languages, the level of your intelligence

eye two people

When I say, 'I don't care what white people think,' I mean that. by Bill Cosby

When I say, 'I don't care what white people think,' I mean that.

white mean thinking

My feeling is, personally, I want to die first... because I believe that when you die, your soul goes immediately up for judgment - and I don't want my wife up there first. No, the judgment will be horrendous.

wife feelings believe

A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise. by Bill Cosby

A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.

humor sun funny

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.

happiness love funny

You'll have many, many friends, but if your relationship with your mate is one hundred per cent of your heart, you'll never need a friend.

friends heart needs

My dad came over to the house... went into his pocket and pulled out a handful of money, and began to pass it out to the children... This was the same man who, when I was his child, I would ask him for 50 cents, this man would tell me his life's story.

dad men children

I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.

notebook funny father

I'm not going out and hitting a 95-mph fastball where I can't see the stitches. I'm not on a professional football team looking to tackle a fullback who is built like solid wood. I'm a thinking person, and I've been blessed with the ability to see some things and talk about them in a way that registers in a humorous and funny way.

thanksgiving team football

And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head.

toilets voice brother

Education happens to be something that all people, all cultures, need to embrace. Math, science, the words of the world. To be able to speak and be able to have clarity and to be able to think. Those are the greatest of gifts.

math people thinking

People say "God will find a way." God can't find a way if you're... by Bill Cosby

People say "God will find a way." God can't find a way if you're in the way.

faith people way

Most fathers and... Mothers. Only your grandmother and Ghengis Kh... by Bill Cosby

Most fathers and... Mothers. Only your grandmother and Ghengis Khan know how to do it.

parent mother father

You can not make everybody happy. by Bill Cosby

You can not make everybody happy.

nutella can-not

Calculus is one course you can come with to your parents and say, I am dropping it. And they'll understand.

dropping statistics parent

Our children are trying to tell us something. And we are not list... by Bill Cosby

Our children are trying to tell us something. And we are not listening.

listening trying children

Never say [to younger people] "that was before your time," because the last full moon was before their time!

lasts moon people

A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child. by Bill Cosby

A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child.

humor funny children