I'm organised in some ways, but not in others. Dylan Moran More Quotes by Dylan Moran More Quotes From Dylan Moran Men don't know anything! Men don't know when their lives became so entirely awful, when everyone else turned into such a tosser! A man does not know how he came by the half a pie he is holding in his hand. And scientists - those frauds - seize on this, and try to use it as proof of the mysteries of human consciousness and the unknowable nature of the brain, which is rubbish! Dylan Moran pie men hands I don't have lungs anymore! Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day. Dylan Moran humor bridges funny Two young, fit, healthy attractive people in love? There’s nothing worse to look at in the world. Dylan Moran healthy two people You can laugh at somebody because they are innocent, and because they are naive or they are about to walk into a wall, but if somebody's giving you stuff, if somebody's talking, giving you their take on things, what makes you laugh, generally speaking, is going to be somebody who is telling it in an angry way. Dylan Moran wall talking giving When did you ever hear of a child not in need? 'Oh that's enough jam tart for me, I'll just go now and clean the toilets.' Dylan Moran toilets children needs You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy, are these organic?' Dylan Moran humor funny children Go and lie down in the dark... for hours... and don't move. I'm locking the door now Dylan Moran dark lying moving So here are some foolproof recipes for those of you who understand the true function of food. Dylan Moran four pain house I've been writing since I was very young, even before I was a teenager. As far as I'm concerned, I am a writer - whether my writing's spoken or written in a blog, paper, book or printed on the side of a submarine. Dylan Moran teenager writing book I'm really not big on nationalism, to be honest with you. I really don't think it gets people anywhere except near a pile of dead bodies. I'm Irish, yeah, but I don't need to get up on a soapbox about it. Dylan Moran people needs thinking America is this incredible mosaic of immigrants, so people really want to be anchored in some kind of culture as well as the one they are living in. Dylan Moran want america people If I hadn't done this I might have ended up digging the roads. Dylan Moran digging humor funny Maybe this is just me, but as time goes by, I'm more bewildered by modernity. It gets more unfathomable with every passing year. Dylan Moran time-goes-by passing years The East is very mysterious to Westerners. Even post-Cold War, it's still an unknown entity. Dylan Moran mysterious east war The trend now is to get away from stage bound sitcoms. Dylan Moran get-away trends stage Home gigs can be hard because it's an odd collision. More than anything, I feel self-conscious when my family are in the audience. I'm doing this job which is not quite acting - part of it is me, part performance. You're presenting a cartoon of yourself to people who know you as a line-drawing. Dylan Moran self home jobs I don't want to do panel games or adverts. I really like challenges. I always get roles as an art teacher or a photographer. In the future I want to play something like a mugger/assassin/pastry chef. Dylan Moran games teacher art I draw hundreds and hundreds of pictures of sort of gnarly looking men, so I don't know what that tells you. People who look like... they're waiting for a sandwich that's never going to come. I don't know what's wrong with me. Dylan Moran gnarly men people I enjoy performing, always, but when you're taping a gig, you've got to blank out this mass apparatus of self-consciousness that's surrounding you, this invitation to drown in self-consciousness. Otherwise you just won't be able to do anything. Dylan Moran gigs able self I get a phone call once every 18 months from some mad person who wants me to do something for less than no money and they give me about a week's notice. That's my film career, most of the time. Dylan Moran phones careers giving
