I'm so excited-I think today I'm going to brush all my teeth. Woody Allen More Quotes by Woody Allen More Quotes From Woody Allen While we're waiting for a cab I'll give you your lesson for today. Don't listen to what your teachers tell ya, you know. Don't pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that's how you'll know what life is really gonna be like. Woody Allen waitingteachergiving If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. Woody Allen wittyjobsfunny The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen wakinghourssleep Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman. Woody Allen wonderfulmensex I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier. Woody Allen parishumorouswitty If the world is a progressively realized community of interpretation, then either quadruplictity will drink procrastination or, provided that the nothing negates, boredom will ensue seldom more often than frequently. Woody Allen boredomprocrastinationcommunity There is no advantage getting older. You don't get smarter, you don't get wiser, you don't get more mellow, you don't get more kindly, nothing good happens. Your back hurts more, you get more indigestion, your eyesight isn't as good, you need a hearing aid. It's a bad business getting old and I would advise you not to do it if you can avoid it. It doesn't have a romantic quality. Woody Allen getting-olderqualityhurt Life is unresolved, confusing, bewildering, puzzling, ambiguous. You don't really know what's going to happen. The future is uncertain for everybody. Woody Allen confusinguncertainlife-is Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do. Woody Allen symphonybrothergiving Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him. Woody Allen godclassjobs With me; it's just a genetic dissatisfaction with everything. Woody Allen dissatisfaction You'll live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to. Woody Allen wittybirthdayfunny Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. Woody Allen mushroomslifefunny I've never felt Truth was Beauty. Never. I've always felt that people can't take too much reality. I like being in Ingmar Bergman's world. Or in Louis Armstrong's world. Or in the world of the New York Knicks. Because it's not this world. You spend your whole life searching for a way out. You just get an overdose of reality, you know, and it's a terrible thing. I'm always fighting against reality. Woody Allen fightingnew-yorkreality The best things in life are censored. Woody Allen best-thingsbest-things-in-lifethings-in-life When you make the film, it's like a chef who works on the meal. After you're working all day in the kitchen and dicing and cutting and putting the sauces on, you don't want to eat it. That's how I always feel about the films. I work on it for a year. I've written it, I've worked with the actors, I've edited, put the music in. I just never want to see it again. Woody Allen kitchencuttingyears I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic. Woody Allen girlreligiouswitty Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained. Woody Allen sunsetyesterdayyellow Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. Woody Allen beerbookmoving I see the glass half full...but of poison. Woody Allen glassespoisonhalf
