I'm too short-sighted, too squeamish for contact lenses and too vain for glasses. Victoria Coren Mitchell More Quotes by Victoria Coren Mitchell More Quotes From Victoria Coren Mitchell MY INSPIRATION has always been Jeanne Calment, a Frenchwoman who smoked and drank every day and died a few years ago at the age of 122. When asked the secret of her longevity, she replied: 'I laugh a lot.' Well you would, wouldn't you. Victoria Coren Mitchell inspiration laughing years If you want to gnaw greenery in the morning for health reasons, do it in your own home with the curtains drawn. Victoria Coren Mitchell want home morning The key to nature's therapy is feeling like a tiny part of it, not a master over it. There's amazing pride in seeing a bee land on a flower you planted - but that's not your act of creation, it's your act of joining in. Victoria Coren Mitchell feeling you nature flower I have a complicated relationship with the zoo; maybe everyone does. It's so wonderful and so sad. Victoria Coren Mitchell zoo sad complicated relationship Driving a car is no longer about zooming down clear lanes, the joy and freedom of the road flowing through your hair like a fine westerly breeze. It's about solid traffic, petrol fumes, spy cameras, eco-guilt, and simultaneous social media. Victoria Coren Mitchell social-media car freedom hair After a bath, we all love to dry off with a towel. But do we need it to survive? No. It's a luxury. Victoria Coren Mitchell bath survive luxury love Casino games such as roulette, blackjack, baccarat, slot machines and so on, are stacked in favour of the house. Victoria Coren Mitchell casino machines games house Nature made your eyebrows like that for a reason. I don't know the reason. Some people say it's to do with keeping rain out of monkeys' eyes. Whatever. The point is, if you try to redesign your eyebrows with tweezers and pens, it will look terrible. Victoria Coren Mitchell eyes you nature rain When I was learning to drive, I thought the big milestones were changing gear, changing lane, and three-point-turns. Victoria Coren Mitchell milestones drive thought learning People have become desperate to reduce everything, including each other, to mindless categories of good and bad, as if the world can be divided into Facebook likes and dislikes. Victoria Coren Mitchell bad good people world Weight gain is good because it makes your dresses tight. This is not necessarily classy or flattering, but it means you don't have to iron anything. Victoria Coren Mitchell classy your good you Women are under-represented in TV comedy for a variety of reasons, the hackneyed 'fear that women aren't funny' being one of them. Victoria Coren Mitchell women comedy fear funny I grew up near London Zoo, with which I was obsessed. I would lie in bed at night, thinking about the lions and tigers and wolves that were prowling only a few miles away. Victoria Coren Mitchell wolves lie night thinking I've always hated the idea of carrying grudges and resentments around like a load of mouldy suitcases. Victoria Coren Mitchell grudges like always hated I like the fact that the weather forecast is always wrong. In a world of BlackBerry insta-connection, Google research, and Hadron Colliders, it is a daily reminder of the ultimate ignorance of man. It is a signpost towards all the enormous things we cannot understand. Victoria Coren Mitchell daily man weather world You will enjoy the TV and radio forecast much more if you stop taking it as advice and simply treat it as a short poem about the weather. Victoria Coren Mitchell treat you enjoy weather It is impossible to identify a nice scent from within the chemical cloud of a perfume department. Victoria Coren Mitchell cloud perfume nice impossible If you are actually ordinary, the only way to give royal status meaning is to live an extraordinary life. It can't be jeans and burgers and granny doing the babysitting. Victoria Coren Mitchell live you life way I'm no longer bossy in the honest sense; I've mastered (mistressed) the art of passive-aggression. Victoria Coren Mitchell sense bossy honest art Pudding is not a human right. Victoria Coren Mitchell human-right right human pudding
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