I never touched a gun in my life. That and that alone forever doomed me to middle management. Steve Martin More Quotes by Steve Martin More Quotes From Steve Martin Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes. Steve Martin music humor funny I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language... Apache. Steve Martin native-language believe country I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is. Steve Martin yesterday today firsts Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way. Steve Martin humor people way Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. Steve Martin music dance funny Be so good they can't ignore you. Steve Martin inspirational life funny How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars Steve Martin inspirational life funny The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself. Steve Martin humor inspiration funny I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them. Steve Martin stupid funny believe Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent. Steve Martin perseverance inspirational funny All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work. Steve Martin week honest pay Teaching is, after all, a form of show business. Steve Martin form teaching shows A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin laughter witty funny If you've got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've got 71 cents left; But if you've got seventeen grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've still got seventeen grand. There's a math lesson for you. Steve Martin dollars money math A father carries pictures where his money used to be. Steve Martin fathers-day dad baby You know, a lot of people come to me and they say, "Steve, how can you be so fucking funny?" There's a secret to it, it's no big deal. Before I go out, I put a slice of bologna in each of my shoes. So when I'm on stage, I feel funny. Steve Martin shoes secret people I cannot smell mothballs because it's so difficult to get their little legs apart. Steve Martin smell legs littles I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too. Steve Martin dog inspirational funny Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do. Steve Martin creativity funny art I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups. Steve Martin grows shy thinking
