I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love. Dennis Miller More Quotes by Dennis Miller More Quotes From Dennis Miller There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim. Dennis Miller common-sensefearpeople Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program. Dennis Miller obamacarepoliticsneeds And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee. Dennis Miller coffeefatherbreakfast Yeah, this country's founding fathers are a bunch of dead rich white men, but they did set things up so you could come and sit at the table, so don't piss in the finger bowls, all right? Thank you. In return for unfettered economic opportunity and no government death squads, try to get along with your new stepmotherland, and don't be resentful if there's a set of house rules already in place. Dennis Miller opportunitycountryfather It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis. Dennis Miller hatereasonpeople Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese. Dennis Miller washington-dccheesylying Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it. Dennis Miller coursespainfeels You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R. Dennis Miller comedyeducationalproblem American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel. Dennis Miller paper-towelsselfwater Other than the bombs they strap to their chests, Ive got no idea what makes the Palestinians tick. Dennis Miller tickbombsideas It takes zero politically correct people to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark. Dennis Miller zerodarkpeople Hey Deion, Bubbelah - maybe you'd better pay a little less attention to those unfairly Draconian salary caps that only allowed you to acquire four of the five remaining 1932 Aston Martins still in road-worthy condition after you'd paid for life's little necessities like hookers and weed, get your medulla oblongata out of your duodenum for a few milliseconds, and make a tackle or two, okay, Babe? Dennis Miller weedfootballtwo TV evangelists say they don't favor any particular Dennis Miller lighteyethinking Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite simply, it is that stupid moron's right to be that utterly, completely wrong. Dennis Miller moronpoliticsstupid A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. Dennis Miller humorrunningfunny I used to be sceptic, but not anymore, because now I am positive that I'm getting screwed. Dennis Miller scepticused-to-beused The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse. Dennis Miller workjobspeople My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport. Dennis Miller inspirationalfunnytravel The Mexican people I know seem to respect the country in a way that many spoiled brats who were born here don't. So come on over folks, the more the merrier. But please, sign the guest book on the way in. Dennis Miller countrybookpeople A third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes, drink too much, and ride a motorcycle without a helmet. The reality? Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women want us to think that because women are trying to kill us. Dennis Miller menrealitythinking
