I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food. Jon Stewart More Quotes by Jon Stewart More Quotes From Jon Stewart I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days. Jon Stewart hilariousfunnycountry In fourteen hundred ninety-two Columbus sailed the ocean blue and discovered America. Now, some have argued Columbus actually discovered the West Indies, or that Norsemen had discovered America centuries earlier, or that you really can't get credit for discovering a land already populated by indigenous people with a developed civilization. Those people are communists. Columbus discovered America. Jon Stewart west-indiesoceanblue But our perfect democracy, which neither needs nor particularly wants voters, is a rarity. It is important to remember there still exist many other forms of government in the world today, and that dozens of foreign governments still long for a democracy such as ours to be imposed on them. Jon Stewart governmentperfectlong Are you worried that, when you go to hell, you'll only be taking the local and not be on the express? Why would you look for a loophole to deny coverage to children with preexisting conditions? Jon Stewart hellchildrenlooks All in all it's a pretty great day for major league sports. At long last they've decided that gay people are fit to be included in their elite club-one that's already allowed in adulterers, wife-swappers, gamblers, cheaters, rapists, racists and slaughterers of man. Those who've abused spouses, drugs, alcohol, family members and animals. Congratulations, gay athletes. Are you sure you want to hang out with these people? Jon Stewart congratulationschangesports I don't approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected. Jon Stewart political-jokesjokespolitical I think the main thing that has to end is men's defensiveness. Jon Stewart endsmenthinking Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything. Jon Stewart valentinefunnymean So Fox News is the voice of America and Obama is Stalin? Oh my God! I guess that makes me Yakov Smirnoff. Jon Stewart newsvoiceamerica We're Jews. When you look at our pubic hair, it should look like Ewoks should be in there. Jon Stewart shouldhairlooks If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime. Jon Stewart comedianpoliticalstrong The Republicans are calling the Democrats' plan to have a deadline for US troop withdrawal from Iraq an 'admission of failure', as opposed to the Republican plan which is 'failure without admission'. Jon Stewart withdrawaliraqcalling I have to say, as someone who is not a Christian, it’s hard for me to believe Christians are a persecuted people in America. God willing, maybe one of you one day will even rise up and get to be president of this country — or maybe forty-four in a row. But that’s my point, is they’ve taken this idea of no establishment as persecution, because they feel entitled, not to equal status, but to greater status. Jon Stewart christianbelievecountry Nineteen people flew into the towers. It seems hard for me to imagine that we could go to war enough to make the world safe enough that nineteen people wouldn't want to do harm to us. So it seems like we have to rethink a strategy that is less military-based. Jon Stewart militarywarpeople I never thought I'd say this, but I miss voter fraud. Jon Stewart placebo-effectgolden-girlsmissing How far back to the elementary school core curriculum do we have to go to get someone on the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology caught up? Jon Stewart technologyspaceschool The view... from my apartment... was the World Trade Center... and now it's gone, they attacked it. This symbol of American ingenuity, and strength, and labor, and imagination and commerce, and it is gone. But you know what? You know what the view is now? The Statue of Liberty. The view from the South of Manhattan is now the Statue of Liberty. You can't beat that! Jon Stewart libertyimaginationviews Whenever you take over something that is popular and has a fanatical following that loves it, you're never going to please everyone. The trick is to have enough wherewithal to follow through with what you want to do with it and give it time to evolve. Jon Stewart enoughwantgiving Give me back the $800 billion for the Iraq war and children's television PBS is on the house. Jon Stewart iraqwarchildren I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Jon Stewart careerswantlooks
