I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. Andy Rooney More Quotes by Andy Rooney More Quotes From Andy Rooney Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage! Andy Rooney women smart pigs The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. Andy Rooney dog inspirational funny I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you... More Andy Rooney ive-learned forgiving hurt Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it. Andy Rooney happy happiness inspirational If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. Andy Rooney smile happiness love Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. Andy Rooney keeping-your-word cases sweet Teachers who have plugged away at their jobs for twenty, thirty, and forty years are heroes. I suspect they know in their hearts they've done a good thing, too, and are more satisfied with themselves than most people are. Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives. Andy Rooney hero teacher jobs If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are you're not going to be happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn't going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness. Andy Rooney happy inspiring happiness Being kind is more important than being right. Andy Rooney ive-learned be-kind important People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe. Andy Rooney believe facts people the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person. Andy Rooney elderly feet education Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game. Andy Rooney gun baseball thinking One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist. Andy Rooney xmas holiday christmas I mean, the notion that we must love everything in this country or get out and go someplace else is ridiculous. I mean, if you -- the best thing a patriotic American can do is to look and be critical and find out what's wrong and try to make it better. That's what a patriotic American does. Andy Rooney patriotic mean country Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives. Andy Rooney literature teacher people Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve. Andy Rooney morning sex thinking The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. Andy Rooney humor education life Looking and not finding is certainly one of the most frustrating ways to spend time. Andy Rooney frustrating loss way Small daily happenings make life spectacular.... start enjoying the small things in life! Andy Rooney one-day-at-a-time things-in-life inspiring I can't choose how i feel. But i can choose what I do about it. Andy Rooney i-can feels
