I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad. W. C. Fields More Quotes by W. C. Fields More Quotes From W. C. Fields I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted. W. C. Fields gambling alcohol half Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake. W. C. Fields clever witty funny You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living. W. C. Fields atheism people religion Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. W. C. Fields money motivational inspirational I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get. W. C. Fields age witty funny If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. W. C. Fields inspirational life funny I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. W. C. Fields drinking witty funny Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it. W. C. Fields goodness funny sex Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer. W. C. Fields party inspirational funny I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to. W. C. Fields invited argument emotion Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places. W. C. Fields nice unhappy I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes? W. C. Fields food water way Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. W. C. Fields inspirational love life If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. W. C. Fields baffled dazzle witty Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C. W. C. Fields beer sex people Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas W. C. Fields xmas religious prayer I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. W. C. Fields comedy prejudice hate I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure. W. C. Fields indecisive indecision used Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. W. C. Fields horse crazy funny A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. W. C. Fields drinking funny book
