I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better. Joan Rivers More Quotes by Joan Rivers More Quotes From Joan Rivers Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work. Joan Rivers babylyinglooks My mother told me 'man on top, woman underneath.' For years my husband & I slept in bunk beds. Joan Rivers husbandmothermen My body is a temple, and my temple needs redecorating. Joan Rivers templesbodyneeds I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. Joan Rivers gownstoeswant My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day. Joan Rivers asheshusbanddeath I hate McDonald's. I don't want to order my dinner by yelling into a clown's mouth. If I want my face in a clown's mouth, I'll tongue kiss Glenn Beck. Joan Rivers yellingkissinghate I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays Joan Rivers heidirunwayprojects You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw. Joan Rivers thinking I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs. Joan Rivers israelbluelove-is The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found. Joan Rivers makeupfoundbeauty My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash. Joan Rivers dogmemorablebaby If you're not a wreck in this business, you're not around. Joan Rivers wrecksifs What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery. Joan Rivers surgeryjewelry Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum. Joan Rivers cleanmaking-lovemen All my friends are dying. That's why I always wear black. Joan Rivers my-friendsblackdying I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me. Joan Rivers praise If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting. Joan Rivers linesactinglooks Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age. Joan Rivers friendsknowingnew-york Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts. Joan Rivers valentineheartpeople I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house. Joan Rivers speak-englishhousepeople
