I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21. Rita Rudner More Quotes by Rita Rudner More Quotes From Rita Rudner I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life. Rita Rudner individualuniqueneeds All men would still really like to own a train set. Rita Rudner humormenfunny Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people. Rita Rudner thirtylike-youpeople The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing. Rita Rudner comediansingingdancing An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom; it just doesn't work. Rita Rudner condomdivorce I'm a very simple person. I'm very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that's me. Rita Rudner shallowpersonssimple Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network. Rita Rudner humorhomefunny Never take candy from strangers. Rita Rudner candy-cornhalloweenstranger All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals. Rita Rudner humormenfunny Men in high levels of government seldom surf. Rita Rudner levelspoliticsmen Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times. Rita Rudner I gave my father $100 and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother. Rita Rudner My mother buried three husbands ... and two of them were only napping. Rita Rudner When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with' Rita Rudner I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around. Rita Rudner goodgood-healthhealthbirthday I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner jewelrymarriagepainmen Barbie ruined my life! It's a really bad image for women. For a long time I thought I was deformed - because my heels didn't touch the ground. I was walking around on tiptoes. What's up with that? I think that it's a bad thing for a woman to try to emulate. Rita Rudner my-lifewomentimelife On my tombstone it will say: 'I tried everything - nothing was easy.' Rita Rudner saynothingwilleasy
