I would say don't take advice from people like me who have gotten very lucky. We're very biased. You know, like Taylor Swift telling you to follow your dreams is like a lottery winner telling you, 'Liquidize your assets; buy Powerball tickets - it works!'

Bo Burnham

Categorized in : You Me Dreams People

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intellige... by Bo Burnham

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

intelligent humor funny

What's important is that you stay true to yourself. Because when you enter the real world, the most valuable thing you can bring is all your you-ness. The world doesn't need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers - the world needs more you. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

guy important real

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

oneness existential self-worth

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

perfect love-you trying

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine. by Bo Burnham

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

laughter-is-the-best-medicine medicine laughter

I saw a giraffe with a short neck by Bo Burnham

I saw a giraffe with a short neck

deer necks saws

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist... by Bo Burnham

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

humor funny jesus

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen,... by Bo Burnham

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

thirteen ifs numbers

I don't need anything as long as I have my family, friends, milli... by Bo Burnham

I don't need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.

pussy dollars long

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land? by Bo Burnham

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

land water jesus

How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I've got a cousin who is 18... Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.

cousin gay believe

Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively. by Bo Burnham

Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.

humor theory funny

The classic comedian says there's nothing that's taboo; if you laugh at one thing you've got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.

light dark laughing

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of... by Bo Burnham

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

earth trying heaven

I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enou... by Bo Burnham

I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me.

causes enough lows

Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist. by Bo Burnham

Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.

kindness bible jesus

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names. by Bo Burnham

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

arms names kids

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change... by Bo Burnham

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

guy humor funny

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f... by Bo Burnham

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.

fake talent kings

People do complain about the way I act on stage... They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms.

self people thinking