If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago. Dennis Miller More Quotes by Dennis Miller More Quotes From Dennis Miller It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity. Dennis Miller enough-timeironicscary I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy. Dennis Miller comediantrusthips I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best job in sports broadcasting for two years. Dennis Miller funjobssports Even the best psychiatrist is like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant foam "We're #1" finger. Dennis Miller foammechanicgiants Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt. Dennis Miller global-warmingquiltsblame Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention. Dennis Miller gamesplayattention The claim that somehow raw foods give you better energy, are more healthful, improve your immune system and all of that is simply not substantiated. And moreover, it's not biologically plausible. Dennis Miller energyclaimsgiving We are simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra. Dennis Miller laying-downbonespunk If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children! Dennis Miller t-shirtmenchildren Growing up, my family wasn't very tight. We were more like a tour group with secrets. Dennis Miller groupsgrowing-upsecret The soldiers kill suicide bombers. Think about that. When a guys whole thing in life is to kill himself and you get there first... you are halling ass my friends. Dennis Miller things-in-lifesuicidethinking The good thing about Pittsburgh, it's a good place to be raised... it doesn't tolerate assholes. You're either a good guy or you're a bad guy... When I'm in Los Angeles having these incredibly surreal moments where nobody's saying anything and everybody's talking incessantly, I always have that Pittsburgh voice in my head - shut up, smile, get the job, move on. Dennis Miller talkingjobsmoving Teresa Lewis, the only woman on death row in Virginia, says she doesn't deserve the death penalty because she only hired the killers of her husband and stepson, she didn't actually pull the trigger herself. You know, she has a point. I think we should let her be able to hire the person who executes her, and not do yourself in! How's that, doll? Yeah! Get it over with quick, maybe Charlize Theron will sign up to play you. Dennis Miller virginiahusbandthinking Now I don't have anything against Mexican people, but for God's sakes, sign the gust book on the way in. Dennis Miller mexicanbookpeople I'm left on a lot of things. If two gay guys want to get married, I could care less. If a nut case from overseas wants to blow up their wedding, that's when I'm right. Dennis Miller gaynutsblow Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet. Dennis Miller humorhumanityfunny The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God. Dennis Miller druggovernmentpeople We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being. Dennis Miller fightingcountrypeople Laughter is one of the great beacons in life because we don't refract it by gunning it through our intellectual prism. What makes us laugh is a mystery - an involuntary response. Dennis Miller laughterintellectuallaughing America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school. Dennis Miller summercountryschool
