If it's dirty, it's not funny, but if it's funny, it's not dirty. Buddy Hackett More Quotes by Buddy Hackett More Quotes From Buddy Hackett As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. Buddy Hackett mothers-day family funny I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing. Buddy Hackett argument dancing people My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?" Buddy Hackett wife want tuesday Ninety-nine percent is in the delivery. If you have the right voice and the right delivery, you're cocky enough, and you pound down on the punch line, you can say anything and make people laugh maybe three times before they realize you're not telling jokes. Buddy Hackett ninety-nine cocky voice I found out that if you made people laugh, they like you. Most people got to like me because I made them laugh. When they didn't, I hit them. Buddy Hackett like-you laughing people Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guys's out there dancing. Buddy Hackett guy dancing dance At the Sahara, the seats are banked and most of the audience is looking down at the stage. Everybody in the business knows: Up for singers, down for comics. The people want to idealize a singer. They want to feel superior to a comic. You're trying to make them laugh. They can't laugh at someone they're looking up to. Buddy Hackett trying laughing people I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart. Buddy Hackett good-day golf fall There have always been mixed emotions about Howard Cosell: Some people hate him like poison; and other people just hate him regular. Buddy Hackett hate poison people You want to know what makes me tick, I'll tell you what makes me tick. I was a boy growing up in Brooklyn; I read a two-penny magazine called 'The Hawk's Nest.' Nobody entered that nest that didn't leave a little richer and a little wiser. And that 11-year-old boy said, 'Isn't that a wonderful thing.' And that's all there is to it. Buddy Hackett growing-up boys years I have the gift of laughter. I can make people laugh at will. In good times and in bad. And that I don't question. It was a gift from God. Buddy Hackett laughter laughing people Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much. Buddy Hackett strange-places golf fun A comedian sees the world bent. I'm tangent to the circle. Buddy Hackett comedian circles world Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it. Buddy Hackett swamps balls golf The menu of my mother consisted of only two choices: Leave it or take it Buddy Hackett choices mother two Why should I be angry at someone when they are out dancing? Buddy Hackett angry-at-someone anger dancing Your financial cost can best be figured out when you realize that if you were to devote the same time and energy to business instead of gold, you would be a millionaire in approximately six weeks. Buddy Hackett energy gold would-be Ya know, if you treat every comic the way you treated me tonight, you would never see a bad show. Buddy Hackett comic tonight way When I do an hour-and-a-half show, if I don't improvise 20 minutes worth of new material each night, I feel I've let myself down. Buddy Hackett hours half night What makes a comedian has nothing to do with religion. Think of Red Skelton, Jimmy Durante, Jackie Gleason, who were all Catholics. Buddy Hackett comedian catholic thinking
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