You want to know what makes me tick, I'll tell you what makes me tick. I was a boy growing up in Brooklyn; I read a two-penny magazine called 'The Hawk's Nest.' Nobody entered that nest that didn't leave a little richer and a little wiser. And that 11-year-old boy said, 'Isn't that a wonderful thing.' And that's all there is to it.

Buddy Hackett

Categorized in : Years Boys Growing Up

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Buddy Hackett

mothers-day family funny

I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.

Buddy Hackett

argument dancing people

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

Buddy Hackett

wife want tuesday

Ninety-nine percent is in the delivery. If you have the right voice and the right delivery, you're cocky enough, and you pound down on the punch line, you can say anything and make people laugh maybe three times before they realize you're not telling jokes.

Buddy Hackett

ninety-nine cocky voice

I found out that if you made people laugh, they like you. Most people got to like me because I made them laugh. When they didn't, I hit them.

Buddy Hackett

like-you laughing people

Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guys's out there dancing.

Buddy Hackett

guy dancing dance

At the Sahara, the seats are banked and most of the audience is looking down at the stage. Everybody in the business knows: Up for singers, down for comics. The people want to idealize a singer. They want to feel superior to a comic. You're trying to make them laugh. They can't laugh at someone they're looking up to.

Buddy Hackett

trying laughing people

I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.

Buddy Hackett

good-day golf fall

There have always been mixed emotions about Howard Cosell: Some people hate him like poison; and other people just hate him regular.

Buddy Hackett

hate poison people

I have the gift of laughter. I can make people laugh at will. In good times and in bad. And that I don't question. It was a gift from God.

Buddy Hackett

laughter laughing people

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.

Buddy Hackett

strange-places golf fun

A comedian sees the world bent. I'm tangent to the circle.

Buddy Hackett

comedian circles world

Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.

Buddy Hackett

swamps balls golf

The menu of my mother consisted of only two choices: Leave it or take it

Buddy Hackett

choices mother two

If it's dirty, it's not funny, but if it's funny, it's not dirty.

Buddy Hackett

ifs dirty

Why should I be angry at someone when they are out dancing?

Buddy Hackett

angry-at-someone anger dancing

Your financial cost can best be figured out when you realize that if you were to devote the same time and energy to business instead of gold, you would be a millionaire in approximately six weeks.

Buddy Hackett

energy gold would-be

Ya know, if you treat every comic the way you treated me tonight, you would never see a bad show.

Buddy Hackett

comic tonight way

When I do an hour-and-a-half show, if I don't improvise 20 minutes worth of new material each night, I feel I've let myself down.

Buddy Hackett

hours half night

What makes a comedian has nothing to do with religion. Think of Red Skelton, Jimmy Durante, Jackie Gleason, who were all Catholics.

Buddy Hackett

comedian catholic thinking