If it weren't for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod. Bill Maher More Quotes by Bill Maher More Quotes From Bill Maher Nowas you all know, this week, Pope Benedict told Vatican Radio—you know, Vatican Radio, playing the hits from the 8th century, 9th century and today—Benedict told them he was going to resign because the Church needs a fresh, young face, somewhere other than a priest's lap. Bill Maher lap church needs Clint Eastwood's speech was kind of a metaphor for the entire Republican Party: A confused old person yelling at something that doesn't exist. Bill Maher yelling confused party Rick Santorum has come out against contraception and against college. He wants us literally to be f**king stupid. Bill Maher college stupid kings Russia has banned all adoptions to Americans. So, if you were hoping to get a little white kid with fetal alcohol syndrome, you're going to have to wait until Lindsay Lohan reproduces. Bill Maher russia white kids What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country. Bill Maher political humorous country Even when [Federal Reserve Chairman Ben] Bernanke said the recession was over ... you think that would have been a bigger boom somewhere, but it seems we just take everything in stride. Bill Maher over-you said thinking The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed. Bill Maher dating girl kids George Bush says, 'Gore's book needs a lot of explaining.' Of course, Bush says that about every book. Bill Maher political book needs The difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull: At some point, a pit bull does stop whining. Bill Maher hockey differences mom Tt just seems to be human nature to seem to want to posit in another human being, qualities that you must know, in part of your mind, that human being couldn't possess because you don't possess. Bill Maher quality mind want In New York, Catholic groups have forced an art gallery to shut down an exhibition of a six-foot image of Jesus in chocolate. So, the Archbishop of New York was very upset. He said, 'It is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers.' Bill Maher atheist art jesus I don't know if anybody from my tribe of atheists ever thanked [Barack Obama] for giving us a shout-out at your first inaugural, but you did mention non-believers. We appreciate it. Because we do feel like untouchables to a degree. Bill Maher appreciate atheist giving New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It’s not their field. It’s like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Here’s what they know about: spray tans, fake boobs and baton twirling. Here’s what they don’t know about: everything else. If I cared about the uninformed opinions of some ditsy beauty queen, I’d join the Tea Party. Bill Maher party queens believe This is my question for conservatives: don't you want to live, too? Bill Maher want It could be anything. It could be Jesus and it could be the Furby and it could be the lint that lives in my navel, but it's probably not. Whatever it is, I doubt we as humans on Earth could have any perception of it while we're here. So, why give yourself a headache thinking about it. Just be a good person. That's what an ethicist is. Bill Maher giving jesus thinking Amazon has included me in an opportunity to provide top-shelf television-style programming live on the world's computer screens. To hold forth with the industry's very best actors, directors, musicians, authors - I'm thrilled to be on the cutting edge of this. Bill Maher style cutting opportunity Your taxes are due a week from today. You can make out your check directly to Halliburton. Or you can do what I'm going to do. I'm filing my first joint return. No, I'm not getting married, I'm sending the IRS an actual joint with a note that says, 'If you think I'm paying for this war, you must be high.' Bill Maher irs war thinking People like the Mormons and the Scientologists, who I think should combine and make a Mormontologist because what they believe is just so out there it's just laughable. Bill Maher believe people thinking Scientists say an 8.9 earthquake here could knock down buildings, flood coastal areas... and improve the roads. Bill Maher scientist building earthquakes You can't pray away global warming, and that's the difference between religious people and sane people. Bill Maher differences religious people
