If only those old walls could talk...how boring they would be. Robert Benchley More Quotes by Robert Benchley More Quotes From Robert Benchley I can't quite define my aversion to asking questions of strangers. From snatches of family battles which I have heard drifting up from railway stations and street corners, I gather that there are a great many men who share my dislike for it, as well as an equal number of women who ... believe it to be the solution to most of this world's problems. Robert Benchley numbersmenbelieve The English language may hold a more disagreeable combination of words than "The doctor will see you now." I am willing to concede something to the phrase "Have you anything to say before the current is turned on?" That may be worse for the moment, but it doesn't last so long. For continued, unmitigating depression, I know nothing to equal "The doctor will see you now." But I'm not narrow-minded about it. I'm willing to consider other possibilities. Robert Benchley doctorsmaylong The way to go to the circus, however, is with someone who has seen perhaps one theatrical performance before in his life and that in the High School hall... The scales of sophistication are struck from your eyes and you see in the circus a gathering of men and women who are able to do things as a matter of course which you couldn't do if your life depended on it. Robert Benchley eyemenschool If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out. Robert Benchley streakshamactors She sleeps alone at last. Robert Benchley suicidefunnydeath The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. That remark in itself wouldn’t make any sense if quoted as it stands. The average man ought to be allowed a quotation of no less than three sentences, one to make his statement and two to explain what he meant. Ralph Waldo Emerson was about the only one who could stand having his utterances broken up into sentence quotations, and every once in a while even he doesn’t sound so sensible in short snatches. Robert Benchley averagementwo The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon. Robert Benchley ribbonstypewriterswriting If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios. Robert Benchley alivewould-bewriting Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band coming up the street and not to have the impulse to rush downstairs and out on to the sidewalk. Robert Benchley agingbandmen The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. Robert Benchley monkeysmenthinking A child of three cannot raise its chubby fist to its mouth to remove a piece of carpet which it is through eating, without being made the subject of a psychological seminar of child-welfare experts, and written up, along with five hundred other children of three who have put their hands to their mouths for the same reason. Robert Benchley childhoodchildrenhands An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens. Robert Benchley preparationteamworkgames In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop. Robert Benchley curiosityhousechildren Infants need the most sleep, and, what is more, get it. Stunning them with a soft, padded hammer is the best way to insure their getting it at the right times. Robert Benchley sleepwayneeds I never liked bananas much anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey. Robert Benchley monkeysgivingtwo In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs. Robert Benchley tracktoolsbeautiful What is to be done with people who can't read a Sunday paper without messing it all up?... Show me a Sunday paper which has been left in a condition fit only for kite flying, and I will show you an antisocial and dangerous character who has left it that way. Robert Benchley sundaycharacterpeople It is one of the most discouraging experiences I have ever had, not forgetting the time when I winked at the Queen Mother in London once. Robert Benchley londonqueensmother One of the great natural phenomena is the way in which a tube of toothpaste suddenly empties itself when it hears that you are planning a trip, so that when you come to pack it is just a twisted shell of its former self, with not even a cubic millimeter left to be squeezed out. Robert Benchley shellsselftravel There is probably not more than one hundred dollars in cash in circulation today. That is, if you were to call in all the bills and silver and gold in the country at noon tomorrow and pile them on the table, you would find that you had just about one hundred dollars, with perhaps several Canadian pennies and a few peppermint Life Savers. Robert Benchley moneygoldcountry
