If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine. Bob Saget More Quotes by Bob Saget More Quotes From Bob Saget No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers. Bob Saget bus-driverbusdrivers I don't like the negative of reality tv - the 'you're no good, so you have to leave, I choose you, but I thought you really loved me.' It's all about how bad people are and I just hate that. I like Pimp my Ride where someone is helping somebody. Bob Saget haterealitypeople The other day my twelve-year-old says to me, I don't feel like I'm with you right now. You're in the car with me, you're checking your e-mail, you're not listening to me, I don't feel like I'm with you. And I say, You know what? That was your mother's gripe, too. And she was right. And you're also correct. When you cop to something, you get to the next level. In this case, the next level is: I just learned something from my twelve-year-old. Bob Saget carmotheryears I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they're really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I'm not laughing. Bob Saget hurtlaughingpeople I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn't a hard 'r' cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one - she's 12, but very sophisticated so it's an unusual case. Bob Saget smokinglittlespeople If you're a host of a video show and you're on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to say, 'Well, that's what that person does.' That was the dilemma for me, career-wise. Bob Saget eightcareerswise Now people want what the movie was about, which is violent comedy. And that's really what The Aristocrats is based on - what will a family do out of desperation. Bob Saget aristocracywantpeople I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts. Bob Saget nutswaitingnegative When you have a good time there is no time. Bob Saget having-a-good-timegood-times Just went to the gym and worked on every body part. Four people slapped me. Bob Saget fourbodypeople A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one! Bob Saget lastshousepeople My wife is a saint. She's Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won't eat. Bob Saget diaperssaintwife My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby. Bob Saget mommenthinking Concerned we're in a time where politicians can't even fake sincerity. Aren't they supposed to be good at that? Bob Saget sincerityfakepolitics I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses. Bob Saget pedicuresfeetbaby Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow. Bob Saget foolwisemen Just went to a lovely Catholic wedding. I need a drink. They didn't even offer us water. Well they did, but it was Holy water. Bob Saget lovelycatholicwater What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors? Bob Saget kitchencargirlfriend Words matter. Especially if you're kicking someone's ass in words with friends. Bob Saget kickingassmatter It's so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers. Bob Saget recklessnicebeautiful
