If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween... don't. I will find you. I will hurt you. Lewis Black More Quotes by Lewis Black More Quotes From Lewis Black He smiles so much, I don't think he has a central nervous system. Lewis Black nervous-system nervous thinking "Equestrian", by the by, is the gayest word in the English language. In fact, I thought Brokeback Mountain should have been called Two Equestrians. Lewis Black brokeback-mountain should-have two I went to New Zealand this year, and, whew man, I know a lot of people want to go there. But let me just tell you, it's 22 hours by plane. So, if you have the opportunity, don't. Lewis Black opportunity men years Harry Reid is not funny; he's creepy. Nancy Pelosi is creepy. Charles Schumer is sneaky and creepy. Lewis Black sneaky nancy creepy I don't need politicians doing a 24-hour prayer with Oral Roberts to get our country back on track. Lewis Black track prayer country Everybody's got cable. Lewis Black cables Online, there's no time. It's always Christmas. Lewis Black online christmas If we're not going to tax the rich anymore, we're going to create class warfare. Lewis Black warfare rich class I've been very lucky. There are guys I know who are really terrific in this business of stand-up who have not gotten the recognition they deserve. And it's nice, if you've put in the time, to achieve that recognition. Lewis Black lucky guy nice The new millennium sucks! What a disappointment! What's the difference between the old millennium and the new millennium? Nothing! It's the same load of crap with a '2' in the front. When I was a kid, I am old enough so that when I was a kid, I looked forward to the new millennium. When I was young, I said, 'I'm gonna live through a change! A massive change! Things are gonna be different! Things are gonna be great!' Screwed again! No flying cars! No flying cars! Lewis Black flying-cars disappointment kids People go to Vegas, and they don't know what to do; here's what you do. You go to the casino in your hotel. On your arrival, you get $100 in quarters. Take that $100 back to your hotel room and stare at it for a long, long time. Why? Because you're never going to see them again. Then you take those quarters to the bathroom and you flush them, one by one by one. And the nice thing about that is that every so often the toilet will back up, and you'll feel like a WINNER! Lewis Black nice humor funny Political audiences are not fun. Lewis Black audience political fun Nobody in college races home and says, 'I can't wait to see the news! I can't wait to see who CBS is going to hire!' Lewis Black race college home My touring has never stopped; from the time I started doing stand-up, I've been on the road. Lewis Black touring This book is dedicated to all of my friends who helped me get to where I am today - you know who you are... and when I find you I am going to kill you. Lewis Black humor funny book The core of the American public, their hearts and their minds are in the right place. And that gives me hope. Lewis Black mind heart giving The Democrats have responded to the Republicans' lack of dealing with reality by truly not dealing with reality, either. Lewis Black democrat republican reality I don't Tweet a lot because I've Tweeted things that I thought were really innocuous about subjects that are inflammatory, and the response is so insane sometimes from people. Lewis Black insane sometimes people You got to be just stupid to not be focused on alternative energy. Lewis Black alternatives energy stupid Turns out we've been eating the wrong things...since the dawn of civilisation Lewis Black turns dawn eating
