If you must eat a banana in public, never make eye contact. by Darynda Jones

If you must eat a banana in public, never make eye contact.

Darynda Jones

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I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metall... by Darynda Jones

I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.

cowgirls lines trying

What do you want?" "You," he said, his voice lowering an octave. "I want you, Dutch, body and soul. I want you in my bed every night. I want you there when I wake up in the morning. I want your clothes strung across my apartment and your scent on my skin.

voice morning night

When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.--T-SHIRT by Darynda Jones

When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.--T-SHIRT

tape opinion want

Chocolate and coffee ? Together ? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader's Digest.

coffee chocolate should-have

.. an emergency stash of Thin Mints. Frickin' Girl Scouts. Those things were way to addictive. They had to be laced with crack." Charlie Davidson Fourth Grave Beneath my Feet

girl feet way

I strode toward Mr. Coffee with lust in my eyes. We'd had a thing for quite some time now Mr. Coffee and I.

coffee eye lust

Hello?" I said, because Charley's House of Pasties seemed wrong. by Darynda Jones

Hello?" I said, because Charley's House of Pasties seemed wrong.

hello house said

Still, this whole grim reaper thing should have come with a manual. Or a diagram of some kind. A flowchart would have been nice.

nice kind should-have

guys have feelings too. But like...who cares? -Inspirational post... by Darynda Jones

guys have feelings too. But like...who cares? -Inspirational poster

who-cares guy feelings

I had a soft spot for crazy people. by Darynda Jones

I had a soft spot for crazy people.

crazy-people crazy people

Whatever makes your balloon red, Swopes. by Darynda Jones

Whatever makes your balloon red, Swopes.

balloons red

Ask me about my complete lack of interest. (T-shirt) by Darynda Jones

Ask me about my complete lack of interest. (T-shirt)

shirts t-shirt interest

I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels. by Darynda Jones

I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.

alcohol glasses half

You can't fix stupid, but you can numb it was a 2 by 4.--T-SHIRT by Darynda Jones

You can't fix stupid, but you can numb it was a 2 by 4.--T-SHIRT

t-shirt numb stupid

Looks like macho boy's cool just melted like a Slush Puppie in Au... by Darynda Jones

Looks like macho boy's cool just melted like a Slush Puppie in August.

august boys looks

There is a great need for a sarcasm font. by Darynda Jones

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

sarcasm sarcastic funny

I totally should've gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance. by Darynda Jones

I totally should've gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance.

hogwarts chance gone

I lowered the gun but didn’t holster it. Not just yet. She could turn out to be psychotic. Or a door-to-door salesperson.

psychotic gun doors

I meant to behave. There were just too many other options.--T-SHI... by Darynda Jones

I meant to behave. There were just too many other options.--T-SHIRT

behave shirts t-shirt

Reyes Farrow. Because perfection is a dirty job, but someone has... by Darynda Jones

Reyes Farrow. Because perfection is a dirty job, but someone has to do it.

perfection jobs dirty