If you purchased the latest Joss Stone CD, what you're saying is that you're an employee of VH1. Christian Finnegan More Quotes by Christian Finnegan More Quotes From Christian Finnegan Pimp stands for Positive Intellectual Motivated Person. It has nothing to do with selling sex for money. Christian Finnegan pimpintellectualsex Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges. Christian Finnegan molestationcharityeffort The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence. Christian Finnegan intelligenceintelligentfacts It's my genius plan of avoiding any career momentum whatsoever. Definitely the pop-culture thing is something I've avoided in my act. It's just too transitory and ephemeral. Christian Finnegan avoidinggenius America may be entering it’s Michael Jordan on the Wizards period. Christian Finnegan wizardsenteringamerica I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are. Christian Finnegan twelveboringpeople I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything. Christian Finnegan physicianspeopleneeds I had no choice but to make me as a comedian, because I am not particularly gifted with a lot of marketable skills. Unless I really want to spend the rest of my life temping, or teaching drama to third-graders, I don't have a lot of other options - which is freeing, in a way. I never have to say, "Well, I could always go back to law school." Christian Finnegan teachingdramaschool What is the point of a car alarm if it doesn't get people out of their beds to come help you? So if I ever have a car alarm - if I ever have a car - it's just going to be a big speaker on the back of my car. And when anybody tries to break in, it's just gonna go: Attention! Free bags of weed! Come get your free bags of weed! Christian Finnegan carweedpeople What people really want is not to make something funny, but to make something amusing - which, in many ways, is the opposite of funny. To amuse someone is to eliminate discomfort and awkwardness, kind of like a massage for the brain, while to be funny is to point out awkwardness and discomfort. Everyone thinks they want funny, but they really want amusement. Christian Finnegan oppositespeoplethinking I certainly do believe that a lot of comedy comes from awkwardness and embarrassment - pointing out the ways things are uncomfortable. Definitely the stuff that interests me. I don't necessarily think that comedy comes from a dark place, like you have to be a strung-out heroin addict. But I don't think it comes from happiness, that's for sure. It comes from frustration and suppressed rage, and wishing the world were different. Christian Finnegan darkhappinessbelieve My abject hatred of actors and the acting world. I went to college as an actor, and halfway through, I switched to playwriting and directing. Then I spent a couple years working in publishing, doing some freelance journalism for The Village Voice and Musician magazine. I thought my life was going to be as a writer, but then I realized I missed performing, so I got into comedy. It was a nice combination of things I was sort of good at. I was a pretty good writer and a decent actor, but I didn't really like acting, and I didn't have the discipline to be a writer. Christian Finnegan nicecouplecollege Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful. Christian Finnegan guypowerfuljesus Do me a favor, guys. Don't drink so much that you become the guy that goes into the bathroom and moans while taking a leak. See, the women in the room, they might not know what we're talking about; every dude knows. Christian Finnegan favorsguytalking Do you guys remember that woman who disappeared a few years ago, Chandra Levy? Do you remember her? I found this fascinating. Apparently, the day she disappeared, she had gone on her computer, and the last website she ever visited was an online map of the park where her body was found. That's true. I just hope that if I ever disappear, people don't look for me based on the last websites I visited. Christian Finnegan guypeopleyears There's something so awesome about being able to get up in front of a microphone and do exactly what you want. Stand-up is as close as you're ever going to get to being 100 percent in control of a situation artistically, and I don't understand why people wouldn't want to keep doing that. Christian Finnegan situationpeople I'm working on something a little different. It's a technique I call, 'tantric abstinence.' Now, the way this works is I meet a woman, I charm the heck out of her, and then right as she's considering sleeping with me, I say something so awkward that she leaves and I have to start over again with another woman entirely. Christian Finnegan starting-overawkwardsleep If think the pig was terrified because he was fully aware that after segment he was going to be fed to Al Roker. Christian Finnegan alspigsthinking I think I speak for America when I say, nothing says NASCAR like Whoopi Goldberg. Christian Finnegan speakamericathinking If the right opportunity came along, maybe, but I'm more focused on trying to create a TV show where I can be myself, rather than playing a wacky neighbor. Although, I would gladly play a wacky neighbor of any sort. Christian Finnegan neighboropportunitytrying
