If you're looking for friends when you need them...it's too late. Mark Twain More Quotes by Mark Twain More Quotes From Mark Twain Men and women -- even man and wife are foreigners. Each has reserves that the other cannot enter into, nor understand. These have the effect of frontiers. Mark Twain marriagewifemen It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress. Mark Twain criminalsliteratureclass Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse. Mark Twain lightmenheaven At noon I observed a bevy of nude young native women bathing in the sea, and I went and sat down on their clothes to keep them from being stolen. Mark Twain noonclothessea The partitions of the houses were so thin we could hear the women occupants of adjoining rooms changing their minds. Mark Twain mindhouserooms There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting. Mark Twain hilarioustalkingfunny I thought tamarinds were made to eat, but that was probably not the idea. I ate several, and it seemed to me that they were rather sour that year. They pursed up my lips, till they resembled the stem-end of a tomato, and I had to take my sustenance through a quill for twenty-four hours. They sharpened my teeth till I could have shaved with them, and gave them a 'wire edge' that I was afraid would stay; but a citizen said 'no, it will come off when the enamel does' - which was comforting, at any rate. I found, afterward, that only strangers eat tamarinds - but they only eat them once. Mark Twain comfortingyearsideas It was a place of sin, loose women, whiskey and gambling. It was no place for a good Presbyterian, and I did not long remain one. Mark Twain whiskeygamblinglong The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right. Mark Twain humorinspirationfunny It is sound judgment to put on a bold face and play your hand for a hundred times what it is worth; forty-nine times out of fifty nobody dares to call it, and you roll in the chips. Mark Twain soundplayhands When I'm playful I use the meridians of longitude and parallels of latitude for a seine, and drag the Atlantic Ocean for whales. I scratch my head with the lightning and purr myself to sleep with the thunder. Mark Twain creativityoceansleep Love heightens all senses - except the common. Mark Twain sensescommon Vote: The only commodity that is peddleable without a license. Mark Twain commoditylicensevote I like the truth sometimes, but I don't care enough for it to hanker after it. Mark Twain caretruthsometimes I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight. Mark Twain sarcasticinspirationsea Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. Mark Twain sarcasticfunnysex We are all ignorant; just about different things. Mark Twain different-thingsignorantdifferent Literature is well enough, as a time-passer, and for the improvement and general elevation and purification of mankind, but it has no practical value. Mark Twain improvementliteratureenough The Church worked hard at it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged, and burned whole hordes and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their foul blood. Then it was discovered that there was no such thing as witches, and never had been. One doesn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Who discovered that there was no such thing as a witch - the priest, the parson? No, these never discover anything. Mark Twain armychristiangod Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal... In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which the other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning. Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace; even affectionately. Mark Twain catsimpledog
