If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin More Quotes by George Carlin More Quotes From George Carlin When I was young I used to read about the decline of Western civilization, and I decided it was something I would like to make a contribution to. George Carlin used humorous civilization Everyone smiles in the same language. George Carlin inspirational life funny Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. George Carlin military stupid baby If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? George Carlin parsley farmers wages The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. George Carlin calendars time life I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."; "Drinking will significantly improve your chances of murdering a loved one."; "If you drink long enough, at some point you will vomit up the lining of your stomach."; "Use this product and you may wake up in Morocco wearing a cowboy suit and tongue-kissing a transmission salesman." George Carlin kissing drinking father There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting! George Carlin friday clever funny Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning. George Carlin dark morning funny Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. George Carlin life funny reality I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed. George Carlin money change funny Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real? George Carlin causes real sides Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. George Carlin humorous self-esteem inspirational I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary. George Carlin humor ambition funny They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them! George Carlin gun humor funny Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. George Carlin humor sports funny 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? George Carlin marriage sarcastic funny This country was founded by a group of slave owners who told us that all men are created equal. George Carlin psychics men country Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. George Carlin sarcastic witty funny Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking George Carlin comedian eye people Meow” means “woof” in cat. George Carlin dog inspirational mean
