In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town. W. C. Fields More Quotes by W. C. Fields More Quotes From W. C. Fields A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell. W. C. Fields linessufferingmen All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips. W. C. Fields plumsinsultingswallowing I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. W. C. Fields strongerdrinkingbeer Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it. W. C. Fields worstchessworld I would rather be living in Philadelphia. W. C. Fields comedywhole I never voted for anybody. I always voted against. W. C. Fields Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms. W. C. Fields restaurantstownsmom Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with. W. C. Fields cynicalsmilemorning I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness. W. C. Fields rumorgreatnessuse Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth. W. C. Fields fifthdrinking My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it? W. C. Fields humorousheartfunny It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either. W. C. Fields drinking I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42. W. C. Fields girltwo I never drink water... fish f**k in it. W. C. Fields fishesdrinkingwater The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies. W. C. Fields movieplaypeople I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside. W. C. Fields horsemeatfood The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog. W. C. Fields specialdogrunning I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner. W. C. Fields thievesmy-best-friendpresident There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it. W. C. Fields sex Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt! W. C. Fields gamblinghorseremember
