In the human race today, you came last. Spike Milligan More Quotes by Spike Milligan More Quotes From Spike Milligan You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States. Spike Milligan presidentlongpeople All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy. Spike Milligan savingmoneychance There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart. Spike Milligan threetimelaughing Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. Spike Milligan happinesslifefunny Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light Spike Milligan crackedlightblessed We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong! Spike Milligan miscellaneoushumourplans We don't have anything planned, so nothing can go wrong. Spike Milligan Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B? Spike Milligan opheliakinduse On the Ning Nang Nong Where the Cows go Bong! And the Monkeys all say Boo! Theres a Nang Nong Ning Where the trees go Ping! And the tea pots Jibber Jabber Joo On the Nong Ning Nang All the Mice go Clang! And you just cant catch em when they do! So its Ning Nang Nong! Cows go Bong! Nong Nang Ning! Trees go Ping! Nong Ning Nang! The mice go Clang! What a noisy place to belong,Is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong! Spike Milligan emsteatree My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ! Spike Milligan fathers-dayconfusedjesus I told you I was ill. (On his headstone) Spike Milligan headstoneill A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. Spike Milligan laughternaturefunny Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard. Spike Milligan chinesecookingfood I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine. Spike Milligan sonnetreadingshould I have got so low that I have asked to be hospitalized and for deep narcosis (sleep). I cannot stand being awake. The pain is too much... Something has happened to me, this vital spark has stopped burning - I go to a dinner table now and I don't say a word, just sit there like a dodo. Normally I am the centre of attention, keeps the conversation going, - so that is depressing in itself. It's like another person taking over, very strange. The most important thing I say is 'good evening' and then I go quiet. Spike Milligan depressingpaindepression And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. Spike Milligan boardslightwaiting There are holes in the sky Spike Milligan holesrainsky Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy. Spike Milligan friendshiplifefunny I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. Spike Milligan healthbodyyears I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it. Spike Milligan armsfriendlyhands
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