It's my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like. Billy Connolly More Quotes by Billy Connolly More Quotes From Billy Connolly Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep? Billy Connolly wingsfunnytravel There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter. Billy Connolly scotlandwintertravel I don't like the beach. I think we have no business at the beach at all, as a species. We don't belong in the sea. The sea is full of things that bite us, sting us, hurt the soles of our feet, and it's extremely cold. When are we gonna take the hint that the things that live in the sea don't like us? Billy Connolly hurtbeachfunny I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be. Billy Connolly humorfunnythinking There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes. Billy Connolly runningbeing-happyadventure I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing. Billy Connolly sexyhaterain Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally, I think its bollocks!! Billy Connolly humorfunnysex Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time? Billy Connolly psychicsempowermentthinking Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's. Billy Connolly kiltsmcdonaldslooks I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered. Billy Connolly independentdogdoors The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started. Billy Connolly racemensex A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you! Billy Connolly handbagssurprisemind Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket." Billy Connolly pocketschocolatefall I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there. Billy Connolly humorshould-havefunny Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up. Billy Connolly workplacejobs So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel? Billy Connolly sexyhumorfunny Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace. Billy Connolly scotlandteamfootball I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow. Billy Connolly maddiseasehumorous When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight. Billy Connolly aberdeenairschool If I had a hammer, there'd be no more folksingers. Billy Connolly hammersifs
